Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Saturday: Psychic Powers, Possessed Flatwear, Dildo shopping and the Truth About Thingies (10/11/05)

Saturday was the day we went to Newport. It was raining but we went anyway. We cancelled last time because of the rain so we sucked it up this time. It was Whit, Em, and me. We were supposed to meet at 9 and I decided to sleep later than I should have so my hair looked like absolute crap, but even though I slept late I still stopped for coffee, making me even later. I shouldn't have worried, though, since Em was like an hour late, so poor Whit was the only one on time.

While we drove out, we talked about whatever, nothing important. But Em and I discovered a mutual desire to stay at haunted hotels, so we will definitely plan to do that soon. Everyone I know wants to know all about it after, so I really hope something happens or it'll be such a disappointment.

We talked about psychic/paranormal powers. Em can sense spirits. I can't do anything like that but I've had my share of weird dreams. I used to dream that I was saving all my friends from a burning building, and when I had gotten them all out, and I was outside too, watching it burn, it was a building I'd never seen before in my life. Soon after (like within a few weeks), I'd be travelling someplace I'd never been before and see that building from my dream. Also, my dad and brother used to fight like nothing you've ever seen when I was young. The night before a big blowout, I'd always have the same dream so the next day I'd know there was going to be a fight. When I was an adolescent, I told my brother he'd marry a girl with black hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. Guess who he's married to now? Yup.

But that was all when I was young. Nothing like that happens to me anymore.

We crossed the toll bridge into Newport and then missed the exit and had to turn around and then missed the exit again, and had to take the toll bridge away from Newport and back around, and toward Newport again. And Toll Lady was not nice at all. She made us pay all three tolls. I bet if it was Toll Guy, we could have gotten his sympathy by playing the "Oops, aren't we such silly girls" card.

When we finally got to one of the mansions, it was beautiful, even though it was such a rainy day. The tour guide said it would take 30 minutes, but it took us 2 hours. Well worth it though. In the gift shop, I actually spent more on other people than on myself. I was so proud! I got a gorgeous tea cup for my mom for Xmas-that's 2 gifts down, and it's only October! I got myself an old-fashioned silk coin holder and a "Votes for Women" pin.

Next was lunch. We ate at this place called the Red Parrot because of the name. After we parked the car, though, I saw The Cheeky Monkey, and so would have rathered eat there but the other girls had made up their minds. Em and I got these drinks called Swedish Fish, which really did taste just like Swedish Fish, but the thing I had to know before ordering it was whether it came with actual Swedish Fish. (There were 3 of them, yay!)

The waiter brought our food--like 6 dishes--and 2 pasta plates for another table at the same time. How do I know this? Because after he climbed the 2 flights of stairs to get to our 3rd floor table, he lost his balance. Time stood still. He swayed a little toward the railing, then a little back the other way. One plate crashed to the floor. Then 2 more followed soon after. There was an avalanche of plates full of hot food. Some hit the floor, some hit the empty table behind us. Then it stopped. He had managed to save 2 plates on his tray. But WAIT--he hadn't! They crashed too. Now the whole restaurant was watching our poor waiter. He said, "Your food is going to be another 5 minutes." Yeah, I gathered that. I felt so bad for the guy. I think he almost cried. Poor Waiter Guy.

When we got the food, it was quite good. Em and I had lobster quesadillas, and Whit had Carribean Chicken Quesadillas. After, we shopped the main drag. We went in multiple stores but the only store where I was tempted to spend money had these flip flops called Toe-Goes, and the sign said summer shoes were 70% off so I found the cutest pair with a cocktail glass design, Whit was going to get a lime or a lobster print, and Em was just starting to pick hers out when we noticed the small print--not applicable to Toe-Goes!!! Damn the small print!!!

So no flip flops for me. I came home determined to find them online and have yet to be able to!! If anyone knows where to find them, please let me know!

It was too late to see any more mansions by the time we were done with all that, so we decided to start driving home. We apparently took a wrong turn as soon as we crossed the bridge off Newport but didn't notice because we were too deep in conversation until we reached the border with southern Connecticut.

Ahh, southern Connecticut. That was where our conversation took a turn. The Girl Talk started. S-E-X. Why do guys think we think penises are attractive? They are so not! Using condoms is no fun for girls either. How many kinky things can guys think of to do during sex? The first time was painful, not pleasant. Why are guys obsessed with anal? It is not fun for us. What if we accidentally poop during? Who thinks to get an enema beforehand except porn stars? etc, etc, etc. Oh, and did you know that simultaneous O's help make babies?

So needless to say, we missed the exit we meant to take, which was the exit to visit Jen's bf and yell at him. So instead we headed on to the next destination we had decided on: a bar to have a few drinks so we could go buy dildos together.

Now I, personally, have never been in a porn shop; my ex used to do all that shopping. The other girls had actually gotten to buy their own dildos before now, but this was my first time getting to pick out my own, not black, not vaguely s&m. I was kind of excited.

But first the drinks. We went to 99 and had a snack and drinks. First Em got a scotch on the rocks, Whit got a 7 and 7, and I got an Old-Fashioned, which the bartender actually made right. Then I got a gin martini with a twist (I hate olives), and the other girls got a screaming orgasm. I had to tell the girl how to make it. Then I got a gin & tonic, Em got a Rasp. vodka & tonic, and Whit sat that round out because she had to drive us to the porn shop.

So, to the porn shop...we went in the back door. It's so considerate of them to have a back door, really. Makes me think it's their front door. We first perused the Love Oils. I personally chose the following flavors: Cherry Pop, Kiwi Strawberry, Chocolate, and Tangy Tangerine.

Then we moved on to the dildos. There really are SO many out there. We spent a LOT of time deciding. One thing I realized after some browsing is that the ones we were attracted to didn't really look anything like the real thing, which goes to prove our theory: Girls are not attracted to the way thingies look, just what they do. We only say we are attracted so we can have sex. Girls are really just wanting sex as much as guys so sometimes we have to pretend that thingies are hot even if they're not.

After the porn shop expedition, we went home. I promptly passed out and didn't try out my new friend until the next day, though I must say I am completely satisfied.

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