Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Non Sequiturs (11/26/05)

The handicapped women’s room in my department at school is separate from the regular women’s room. It looks like it used to be a storage closet. There is a door right next to the toilet that is now blocked by the support railing but they never took the door away. Instead they taped over all the cracks, and not even with duct tape but with clear packing tape. It reminds me of the John Irving book, A Widow for One Year. It is the door in the floor. Only the door in the floor is in the wall in the handicapped bathroom. I don’t want to go through the door in the floor. I will no longer use the handicapped bathroom. Not even if the other one is full and I really, really have to go.

I had to meet with Prof. Bob to go over the consumer choice theory, which totally sucks and makes absolutely no sense. Maybe part of that is because I couldn’t stop focusing on his freakishly short fingernails. I mean, we are talking circus freak short. Like take your fingernail and draw a line halfway down it. That is how short his are. Naturally. Freaky. I tried to tell other people but no one was fascinated by them the way I was.

I had to find out if this guy was gay or not. I just couldn’t tell and it was really bothering me. I like to know everything about everyone. I mean, I tell everyone everything about me. So I was all sly and I said, “So why don’t you bring your boyfriend when we go out?” Big pause. “Well I would bring JENNIE but she lives a long way away.” So I was all like, ok maybe next time. So no, not gay.

There’s a beaver hut in the swamp near my house. It’s been there for years and I look at it every day when I drive past. I never saw the beaver. One day last month I saw the beaver dead on the side of the road; a car had hit it. I’m not one of those bleeding hearts that gets upset over every dead squirrel you see, but I felt like I knew that beaver. He was a part of my daily life! I was really upset to see him dead.

Awesome bumper sticker sighting: It was like those support our troops, support breast cancer research, etc., ribbons everyone has now, only it was black and it said, “Support Lap Dances”!!

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