So I met a guy this weekend, which is really pretty funny since on Friday morning I was talking to someone (ok, my therapist) about how I wasn’t interested in dating right now because there’s too much going on in my life. And by dating, I mean spending time with anyone I’m seriously interested in, not ruling out spending time with guys I’m mildly interested in. I’ve dated guys I like but am not attracted to and guys I am attracted to but don’t really like lately because they’re safe. But no one that covers both categories.
Now I meet this guy Friday night who’s a friend of Em. I did think he was cute when I first met him and thought he had a great sense of humor, but kind of ruled him out because I thought he was interested in Em at first (turned out to be wrong), which made him safe to flirt with because he wouldn’t be that interested in me. We all went to the bar, then to his friend’s house to play poker, which I sucked out at and was out of the game very quickly. So being bored and inebriated, I decided to lean on him and watch him play his hands. Only I was wrong about him not being interested in me, and I had totally underestimated what it would make me feel like to touch him and have him touch me. Wow, did I underestimate that second part! But all that really happened that night was a little harmless flirting.
Still, Em noticed. She asked right before we went to sleep (we slept over his house because we were too gone to drive) if I liked him. “Maybe just a little” was my response since I was still in the frame of mind that I am not wanting or needing a boyfriend and should only date guys that are not bf material. Next day, Em and I are IMing and the more we talk about him, the more I get butterflies thinking of him, so it really got to be time to admit that yeah, I actually like this guy. But how to resolve that with my not wanting a bf frame of mind? Well I didn’t figure that out.
Fast forward to Saturday night, when we had plans to meet with the Guy, Whit, and her Guy to be followed by Em and I going to the Guy’s house and watching scary movies. Em and I got there way early and sat at the bar. We tried to save two seats for the others but people kept coming over and asking us if anyone was sitting there and then giving us dirty looks when we wouldn’t let them take the seats so we gave them up. But when the Guy got there, there was an empty seat next to Em. I had a mental Grrrr. But when we got a table, I was all, “Guy, why don’t you sit here?” And he did. They were those really high bar stools, so footsie was out of the question. However, I settled for leaning my leg against his. But because I’m neurotic, I convinced myself he’d changed his mind.
We went back to his place and I sat on the futon (which was lacking a frame and therefore flat on the floor), hoping he’d sit next to me. Which he did but he laid so we weren’t even with each other at all. Another mental Grrr! So the longer I sit there the more I need to know whether he still wants me, so like 1/3 of the way through the movie I finally worked up the nerve to lay down next to him. Then I laid there for like another 1/3 waiting to see if he’d touch me. I even put my hand out near his to see if he’d complete the gap but to no avail. So I got really worried that he’d changed his mind, which made me realize that I really do like this guy. Finally, I decided that I had to make a move of some kind and see if he reciprocated so I’d know for sure, so I put my head on his shoulder. And yay! He put his head against mine. Then he put his arm around me too, and by the end of the movie we were even holding hands. And this little cynical part of me was thinking, Jesus, you’re going to get this excited over holding hands?! How old are you?
So now I had my nerve up again, and I said, “So I think you like me.” And he said all sarcastically, “Whatever gave you that idea?” We checked to see if Em was asleep and then we had our first kiss. Huge yay!! Then just before we really got into it, Em goes, “Can we turn the lights on?” I nearly peed my pants. Then the Guy was all like, “It’s really late. Why don’t you two stay over again?” which I was all for, of course, but Em was not, and I gave her a ride, which translates into me having to leave too. I love Em and all, but at that moment I wanted to shoot her. So even though I’m staying with the parents right now, they both happened to be out of town so I asked him to come to my place. When we got to Em’s car and she left, I immediately turned to him and said, “Just so you know, you’re not getting lucky tonight.” And he said that was good because he wouldn’t respect me as much. (Perfect answer, whether he meant it or not.)
In my house there are 2 dogs, 4 cats, and a chinchilla. The dogs were very barky when he got there so I finally put them in another room. We had a nice time making out until my little kitty, Andy, decided he wanted to cuddle too and got right in between us. I put him away but then he and the dogs started crying so I let them back out again. And that was our whole night: Making out interspersed with a little conversation and a little interruption from the pets. We really didn’t get much sleep because we couldn’t keep our lips off each other.
Next morning he had to drive me back to his place where I’d left my car, and he wouldn’t let me out without making plans to see each other again. Triple yay! So I left him and met my girls for brunch, all Sex-And-The-City style, where I kept my lips sealed until they said they were just dying to know. So I told them, sparing the most detailed info, and when we got onto the part of what exactly is going on between me and the Guy was where it got kind of touchy. I don’t know what I want besides to spend some more time with him at this point. I’m totally confused because a lot of the feelings I’m having are the complete opposite of what I was feeling on Friday morning, but these new feelings are totally real (I think!). And everyone keeps saying I need to tell him what I want but the thing is, I don’t know what I want as far as defining anything between us. And on top of all that, I’m completely neurotic about what he thinks of me, as if I need to know in order to define what I think of him, which is not the way it should work. I need to work it out for myself.
Which totally sucks.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment