Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Damn Russian

There was a big work event the other day so we had an afterparty at a local bar. I imbibed. Rose, Brendan, Murphy, Liz, and I went out to the patio as most of the others headed home. I went inside to get another drink and noticed two more of my employees inside so I invited them outside with the rest of the group, then went to the bathroom.

When I came back outside we were short chairs and there was an empty one at a table with a group of guys and girls, so I asked if it was being used, and this blonde girl looks at me for a minute and then all snotty says, "Ummm....yeah."

So I started to walk away when this blonde guy next to her says, "Oh, is that a Tom Collins?" to which I replied that it was in fact a gin and tonic, to which he insisted that my next drink had better be a Tom Collins. I saw my opening. So I sat down in the empty, supposedly being-used chair next to him and began to flirt a bit so I could get my chair. I was just about to say that I needed to get back to my friends when Rose calls over to me. Perfect opening for me to leave and take the chair with me, right? Wrong.

I told her I'd be right over and began to wrap up with the guy (who was Russian) when she called out that I should bring my friend over with me. Here I am behind his back wildly gesticulating, trying to get across the point that I did not want to bring my friend over with me thank you very much, but it was too late. The Russian got up to come hang with my friends. I got my chair but it came with a Russian.

It quickly became apparent that he was very, very drunk. He asked if one of us could give him a ride home. He wanted to know if the campaign was hiring, since I worked in the office right here in town. He spoke Russian, he reminded me, so he could help with the Russian community. I said that my hiring budget was gone already and I hadn't run into any Russians yet so I didn't think we needed him.

Rose said we'd give him a ride home. Laura said actually there are a lot of Russians in the next town over. Rose said there are a lot of Russians in this town. The Russian asked if he told me his age if I would tell him mine, to which I replied that he could tell me his age but I wasn't going to tell him mine, to which he replied that he was 24. He said he dropped out of the state college after a year. He tried to get us to buy him a beer. This guy was a real winner.

His friend came back and said they were leaving and he needed to come now if he wanted a ride. He tried to confirm if we would give his drunk Russian ass a ride home and suddenly we were all going uptown, not downtown. We encouraged him to chug his beer (that we had forced him to buy for himself) so he could make it home with his friend. We succeeded.

When we left, Rose's car had been towed and I ended up driving her two towns over to pick it up. We didn't get home until 1:30 AM, and I had to get up at 7 to escort the candidate's mother around town the next day. But poor Rose got the short end of the stick, having to pay $112 to get her car back and drive across the state before she could get to sleep at her apartment, only to wake up to a ticket on her car for parking 10 inches in front of a neighboring driveway.

It just goes to show you: Rose should not have tried to set me up with the damn Russian.

4 comments:

dan said...

Kharma's a bitch.

Need I remind you that in your story, it was you who thought the flirting would earn you the chair.... :)

I love this story and will now be wary of any girl asking to use a chair at my table. :)

Tina said...

What if she has red hair and really big sweater puppies?

Anonymous said...

Or a brunette!

Anonymous said...

This story rocked, Tina. Too funny.