On Sleeping Around

A portion of Anon the Brit's last comment: "Do you find sleeping around makes you happy? Whos the Big X? i havent read far back enuf to see if hes mentioned...."

Do I find sleeping around makes me happy? Well first, I need to put things in perspective. In the grand scheme of things, I probably don't sleep around all that much. I was with the Big X for many years, and in all that time, he was the only person I had ever slept with. I've been single for a bit over a year now and I suppose if you considered the number of partners I've had in just one year, and figured that I sleep with that many people every year, you might think I sleep around a lot.

But even by that standard--how many people I've slept with in one year--I'm betting that there are many girls that would put me to shame. And I do not intend to keep up the pace, either, but more on that in a bit. I've been, I suppose, living out my twenties in a very condensed fashion.

I purposely had a one-nighter a few months after the breakup because having never slept with anyone else, I wanted to get that done with without having to worry about mucking up a real relationship with the pressure of "What's it like with everyone else? Am I really any good?" and all that crap in my head. Then I didn't sleep with anyone else for a few months. I dated a bit, nothing remotely serious.

Then there was Greg. We were together maybe a month and a half. It wasn't all that serious at all but it might have become. Here was where I realized that I have a real problem with commitment. Much has been written about him here. Since him, I've slept with a handful of guys.

I guess when I say I sleep around, I'm really being flip. What I've actually done is seek out no-strings sexual relationships. This has been harder than you might think because I do have certain standards. I want a man that is both willing to sleep with me without emotional ties and also isn't a sleazeball. I have to like him. I have to think he's a nice guy. He can't be someone tied too directly to my friends or family or classmates because I want my sex life to be my business unless I choose otherwise. And yet I have to know him through some degree of separation so that I feel comfortable with him.

I've been honest with these guys that I have no designs on a relationship at this point. But I still have needs; frankly, I think I either have a much higher sex drive than many women, or else I am more willing to admit and aim to satisfy my sex drive.

Does sleeping around make me happy? To the extent that I have done it and in the way that I have done it, yes, it did. Did. I'm tired of it now. Plus I know it's not a healthy way to live your life for long. I've been safe but even being safe you are always playing a bit of Russian Roulette.

And yet I'm still not convinced I'm ready for another relationship; and yet I still have the same physical needs. I've entered into a tentative arrangement with a friend of mine. We'll see how it progresses, as it is very new. We are friends with benefits, fuck buddies, whatever you want to call it. We satisfy our needs together but without the fuss of a relationship.

I know that such a situation can't last forever but for as long as it does last, at least I'm in a sexually monogomous relationship, which is marginally healthier than the way I've been pursuing my sex life up til now. And I don't have to confront my emotional relationship issues. Yet.

Guess I'll address the Big X tomorrow, as this entry is already a bit long.