Sunday, June 25, 2006

Does Size Matter?

Most of the time--no. Sometimes--yes.

I'm not Ms. Been Around a Million and One Times but I've been with enough men to have developed an answer to this question based on experience. There is a whole range of size and shape when it comes to men; almost all fall somewhere in the, say, 5 to 8 inch range with average . . . girth. So most of the time, size does not matter. Give or take a couple of inches, it all feels about the same when you get right down to it. It matters much more what you do with what you have.

But there are extremes. I have come across two examples of the teeny, tiny extreme. In the first case, I am embarrassed now at the way I acted then. I was only 18 and when I realized that a guy's schlong could be the size of my pinkie (I'm not exaggerating here) when standing at attention. I was so shocked that I promptly removed my hand from his pants and ended our little session.

The second time, I knew ahead of time that what was going to be revealed to me would be on the small side. He actually told me over dinner. Yeah, and I still slept with him. Why? He was my first after the Big X, and I was determined to get the obstacle of sleeping with someone new out of the way. When we got back to the hotel (we were both on a vacation in Seattle), I was shocked again at the insignificance of his one-eyed trouser snake but was still determined to go through with things.

Here is what I discovered: 1. There is such a thing as so small you can't even feel it. 2. A guy can make up for this fact. Without going into complete x-rated description, let's just say that this guy gave me beard burn on my vajayjay that was well worth getting. Best oral I had ever had. He most definitely compensated. Lesson: Yes, there is such a thing as too small but give the guy a chance. It might still be worth it.

What about the other end of the scale? Large to the extreme? Yup, had that. It's quite something. A guy whose blue-veined custard-chucker is so large that it's like losing your virginity all over again. Remember that? It takes a bit of work to make things fit right. It's almost painful at first. But then once they do fit right, it's still just eye-popping with every thrust. I can't describe the feeling. Just . . . wow. You can still feel it hours later. (Okay, days.)

Girls, if you ever have the chance, take it.

Having said that, the average Captain Slappy, giggle stick, guided muscle, Hardy Boy, heat seeking missle, inseminator, Jack the Ripper, knee knocker, meat popsicle, notary public, one-eyed wonder weasel, purple-headed warrior, Rumple Foreskin, tallywhacker, tonsil tickler, trouser lizard, Vlad the Impaler, W.A.D. (which I will not spell out the meaning of here), warrior of love (and so many more that really are too dirty to print here)--really is just super and I'd take it any day.

Size doesn't matter . . . mostly.

2 comments:

dan said...

At least you're honest. :)

Anonymous said...

*snicker*