Monday, October 08, 2007

Bottling again

I think I'm secretly more depressed about my mom's death than I am consciously admitting. I base this on the following facts:
  • I am now living in squalor, allowing dishes to pile up and dirty laundry to spread throughout my apartment to the point where I fear I could be featured on one of my favorite BBC shows, How Clean is Your House?
  • My personal hygiene has become alarmingly poor. I no longer shower every day, or sometimes even every other day. I sometimes go a day or more without brushing my teeth, washing my face, changing my panties, or putting on deodorant. I know. I am gross. I had been blocking out how gross I had become, but be proud! Since realizing this, I have now showered two days in a row!
  • I have been coming up with excuses not to spend time with friends, preferring to stay locked in my apartment all day in a t-shirt and panties (sans bra), watching hours of mindless television, sitting in front of the fan to cool off, during this incredibly hot Fall.
  • I haven't even had the ambition to try to beat the new Zelda on my Wii, one of my few goals for this past Summer.
  • I have managed, despite having absolutely nothing important to do, to fall another month and a half behind on my thesis work. I have also been letting bills go unpaid and managed to forget to file for unemployment for a month. But I did get it reinstated on Friday. I'm trying to get better.
It's the bottling again, I guess.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Grief affects us all differently, Tina.

Maybe it's your way of wishing you had your mom around to tell you to clean up your room, scrub behind your ears and put your dishes away.