Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Levels of Napping (12/20/05)

Any professional napper knows that there are several different levels of napdom. And I’m sure each napper has his or her own personal levels but here are mine:
  1. The Drooler. The oops, really didn’t mean to fall asleep here in front of all these people kind. Often occurs in classes or in meetings. You are in a sitting position and you head may either be supported by your propped-up elbow on the desk/table or may be laying on the desk/table, using your outstretched arm as a pillow. Worst case scenario: You were sitting straight up and once you fell asleep your head fell forward to the desk/table with a thunk, drawing everyone’s attention. (So named because in accordance with the laws of embarrassment, when you awake from these naps you often have a string of drool hanging from the corner of your mouth.)
  2. The Couch Nap, Level I. This one occurs when you are stretched out on the couch watching TV, often a football game or possibly a not so interesting movie and you just drift off to sleep without meaning to. This often occurs on a Sunday afternoon when you are watching whatever it is you can find on TV to keep yourself occupied for awhile. This is a perfectly acceptable nap, widely practiced and nothing to be ashamed of should someone else witness it.
  3. The Couch Nap, Level II. Here again you are stretched out on the couch, possibly watching TV or reading a book or newspaper. This time, however, you came prepared to nap. You have pulled a blanket or throw over yourself and have snuggled down into the couch, hoping that sleep comes and takes you. Whatever activity you are involved in (TV, reading, etc.) is merely a prelude to the nap, a ruse so that anyone walking by might think to themselves, oh well, she just accidentally drifted off to sleep while doing X. But though you may think you are being clever, the blanket is a dead giveaway that you were intending to nap the whole time.
  4. The Bed Nap, Level I. Now, once you have moved to the bed there is no denying that somewhere in the back of your head your intention was to nap. You may have decided to stretch out on the bed to get nice and comfy and read a book or something but we all know that there are two things that go on in a bed and if you are alone that rules out the first thing. Well, sort of. Well, let’s just say if you are alone with your pants on. So you drift peacefully off to sleep but this is still meant as a light nap because you do not have any covers over yourself.
  5. The Bed Nap, Level II. Okay. Now you are in for some serious napping. Not only are you on the bed but you’ve also pulled a throw or blanket that is not normally on the bed over your body. This is an important distinction because you are signaling that while yes, your intention is to nap, and nap well, you do not intend to be lazy and actually be in bed in the middle of the day. You may only be fooling yourself but there is still this element of “Oops, didn’t mean to drift off to sleep here, no really!” going on.
  6. The Bed Nap, Level III. Or, really and truly sleeping. Okay, there is no fooling anyone with this nap, not even yourself. You are now under the covers on the bed and may even have removed your pants for ease of napping. You are in for some hard-core sleep now. You may toss and turn and even snore. The lights might even be out. You will possibly be asleep for hours. (All above levels usually max out at around an hour.) If anyone ever caught you in this type of nap there would be no denying your intentions and yes, everyone would think you were being incredibly lazy.
Unless you told them you were sick . . . but that is another entry.

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