Physical and Nonphysical (11/27/05)

Yeah so my dream was so right on. I woke up knowing that something serious was wrong with whatever you wanted to label what the guy and I had. I was right. At some point in the last week he had decided that we shouldn’t be together. I was so right. But he still wants me to come over and hang out sometimes. Like what is that? I mean, let’s be honest. Since the start what we had was not friendship. If it was we could hang out.

If he wanted to hang out with me really he’d want to be with me still. Wanting me to come over once in awhile still to just hang out is not even a backstep since we never did just hang out. Then he says well he’s not ruling out that something might happen in the future, oh, AND. He says when I ask him what caused this that it was just a realization “about how we get along nonphysically.” Okay. So if that is true, they why would he even care about hanging out with me now when all things physical are ruled out??

Does not make sense at all. Either we get along ok nonphysically so he wants to be friends or we don’t so he doesn’t. But…if we do get along nonphysically and we get along physically (the second part of which we know), then what is the reason why things should end between us?

So here is my theory. Correct me if I’m wrong. It was Thanksgiving weekend and lots of people were home for the weekend. He was not forthcoming at all about his weekend plans beyond that (very clearly) I was not involved. So someone he saw this weekend made him think twice about whatever we’ve been doing together. Ok. But if that was the case then be honest. Because what he said to me tonight I don’t feel was honest.

I repeat, if his “feel about how we get along nonphysically” is true, then what on earth would make him want to hang out with me still if we are not going to be physical at all?? I mean, come on. There is the physical and the nonphysical. We aren’t going to be physical anymore. And he doesn’t think we get along nonphysically. So what does that leave exactly?

And yes, there is a part of me that is bitter over this whole thing since I was on the verge of telling him that we needed to slow down. But see, I wanted to slow down. Not stop. I knew from my end that I DID think we got along both physically and nonphysically. Guess I was wrong on both counts. Gotta sort all this out and move on I guess.