Cool Quotes from Cool People (12/2/05)

Lenny Bruce

--Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
--Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Douglas Adams

--I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
--Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.
--There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened."
--Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Ken Kesey

--You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
--I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph.
--You don't lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case.
--The trouble with super heroes is what to do between phone booths.

Buddha

--Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
--There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth -- not going all the way, and not starting.

Norman Mailer

--The difference between writing a book and being on television is the difference between conceiving a child and having a baby made in a test tube.
--Ultimately a hero is a man who would argue with the gods, and so awakens devils to contest his vision. The more a man can achieve, the more he may be certain.
--When considering regulations, half of what is published is probably 50 % incorrect. The rest is 75 % wrong.

Al Capone

--I don't even know what street Canada is on.
--When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.
--You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
--I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.

Mike Ditka

--If you're not in the parade, you watch the parade. That's life.
--Success isn't measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace.
--I'm not a mean player. You'll notice I never pick on a player who has a number above 30.
--What's the difference between a 3-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In 6 weeks, the puppy will stop whining.

Charles Bukowski

--Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.
--The pest, in a sense, is a very superior being to us: he knows where to find us and how --usually in the bath or in sexual intercourse or asleep.
--Before you kill something make sure you have something better to replace it with; something better than political opportunist slamming hate horse shit in the public park.

Frank Zappa

--I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.
--Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

Steven Wright

--If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
--You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
--I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

--Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe.
--Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . . . I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
--We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

Harry S. Truman

--Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
--It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
--If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.