Saturday, January 21, 2006

Notes on Garlic, Kay, and Sluts Named Tina

Yesterday I ate two things: Garlic and herb Cabot cheese with crackers, and Cheese Maki. Today I discovered my mistake in eating the garlic and herb Cabot cheese. I am currently farting and breathing the odor of garlic. And I'm convinced I've become one of those people--you know the ones--that just emanate the smell of garlic right out of their pores. I made Kristy smell me and she claims that my fears are unfounded, but I'm not sure I believe her.

Anyhow, if it's true, I feel for Whitney, who has already committed to spending all night with me. We are going to drink wine and eat stinky cheese so maybe the stinky cheese will cover up my garlic emittances. (Yes, I am about to brave drinking again after my last outing almost a week ago.) Also, we are going to drink rum, vodka and Bailey's, so maybe the odor of alcohol will throw down with the garlic and come out victorious. Note to alcohol fumes: I suggest the classic smashing garlic over the head with a chair.

One of my new favorite reads is Kay Richardson's blog. Kay is a British actor who is really funny, and yesterday he announced that he has huge news, and he won't tell us until 25 different people post comments to his blog. So please, friends. I'm asking you to go visit his blog and post a comment so I can find out this latest news.

Something else I've been meaning to talk about for some time: My name. My mother wanted to name me Tia (which, yes, I know is Spanish for auntie) but my father would not let her because kids would make fun of me. So in the infinite logic of this man, he said my name should be Christine and everyone could call me Tina. (Why not Christina and everyone could call me Tina is a question I have been asked many times and cannot answer, dear readers.)

Now here I am twenty-odd years later called Tina and forced to give the above story every time someone asks, "Why do people call you Tina if your name's not Christina?" Now, on top of all this, I am saddled with a name that will forever go down in television and movie history as the name of a slut. Think about it, and pay attention from now on. Any fictional character I've ever come across named Tina is always a slut. I'm not saying I'm not a slut but do I have to be so true to advertising? I mean, I'd so much rather be called Tia, which sounds more exotic. That way, my behavior (or behaviour, for Kay) would be chalked up to this bohemian type personality associated with the name Tia instead of the plain old sluttiness associated with the name Tina.

So that's my lobby for wanting to change my name to Tia.

Also, a little post script to the birthday gift entry: Nicole got me a present which I have yet to receive because it was in a gift bag in her car at the casino. When she got to the car, she removed the present and got sick in the gift bag. Glad I wasn't the only puker that night.

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