Thursday, January 12, 2006

I Become the Power Player

I had an interesting thing happen to me recently: The power position in a relationship of mine shifted. Now, of course not all relationships have a power player; in any completely healthy relationship, power is shared and not even really thought about at all. But we all have relationships, both romantic and platonic, in which power is not shared equally.

I was vaguely aware of this in the past; we all hear phrases like, "He wears the pants in that relationship" or "She's got him whipped (insert requisite whip snapping noise here)." But these are exaggerated examples of what is often a much more subtle thing. For example, one person wonders when the power player will call, while the power player isn't giving the first person a second thought.

So how does the power player become the power player? They are the one in a relationship that cares less, that is less invested in the other person, or at least they are the one that is better at hiding their needs and able to project a coolness that the second person does not feel. (In this second "hiding your needs" position, though, even though on the surface it appears differently, a person is not truly the power player because they need to be in that role.)

I don't remember ever thinking about the whole subject of power in a relationship much until just now, when I realized there had been a shift. I had become the power player where I once had not been. I've been the power player in other relationships, though I think in general I tend not to assume that role as a rule.

The thing with truly having the power position is that you don't really care that you have it. Yet, if you are in my position, where you see your role switch, there may be a mild satisfaction at discovering this new power, which I am feeling right now. But it's only mild, because I don't care enough for it to be more than mild. Hence, my being the new power player.

What am I trying to say here? I'm rambling more than usual. I don't know, just that it's interesting to experience such a shift in power, I guess.

The end of a not particularly inspirational blog entry.

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