Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Man Friend Feelings

I've got two things I want to write here about the new guy, to whom a couple of my friends have been referring as my Man Friend. First I want to talk about the idea of feelings--chemistry, love at first sight, etc., and second I want to talk about defining things. These are two completely different things in a relationship, though it would seem that one goes hand in hand with the other. For today, I'm going to write about feelings; the other will have to wait til tomorrow.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in lust at first sight, in instant chemistry. I believe in knowing after you first meet someone that you really like them and want to know them more. But love I think takes time to grow. So I don't love my Man Friend, god no. I don't mean that to sound like I'm repulsed by the idea; I think in time I could grow to love him, but it is ridiculous and immature to think that within just a few weeks I would be in love with him.

The first night, at the end of our date, in the middle of all the kissing, I told him I like him. And I have said it several times since. I have said, in the heat of passion, that I love his . . . ahem . . . (insert penis euphemism here). That is the closest I have come. I am reminded of a dream I had about a year and a half ago. What I know I feel is that I miss him. He's been gone for about a week and a half now, and he'll be back in another week and a half. I liked him more at the end of our 3 weeks together than I did at the beginning; he is definitely growing on me. So yes, I can see where one day I might love him.

But I had a dream that he came back and told me he loved me right away, and I . . . was silent. I'm just not there yet. The good news is that, in the dream, I did not flip out like I did when P. started talking about moving in together, or when the Musician said he was being exclusive to me and wanted a picture of us together "as a couple". I'm not scared of how he might feel toward me, and I'm not scared at the idea that someday I might love him and be in a real, long-term relationship. I'm also hopeful about things--hopeful that this one might take. You know, so long as it takes slowly.

So my feelings for my Man Friend right now? Like. Comfortable like. Mixed with hope. And I want him to come home. And that, my friends, is a big step for me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aww. I like that you're feeling hope and missing him. It made me smile. Even more so that you aren't running scared. Go Tina! (just rah not flee. No no no.)

Happy New Year Girl. Have fun!