So oh boy was probably a bit of an exaggeration in hindsight; I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Two of my friends are in serious need of help all of a sudden, in a way in which I can't do much but encourage them to get it. They both are suddenly very much in the middle of some serious depression. They both have completely different lives but the reasons for their depression I think are actually quite similar.
They've both been isolating themselves and have developed very low self-esteem, a lot of which has to do with feeling completely alone. They've been wanting and (to different degrees) pursuing a relationship with people of the opposite sex but it has not been working out.
(Okay, I am sitting in a local cafe writing this while doing my laundry, and this is the first time I've been in here when a child has also been here. I like kids as a rule but this girl has started throwing one of those screaming, stomping, all-out tantrums that so many parents think it is perfectly acceptable nowadays to allow them to have in public. If I pulled that shit when I was a kid, my mom would have dragged me out of the restaurant kicking and screaming and dealt with me in the privacy of the car or something, so as not to disturb the other diners. This mother, however, like so many nowadays, just sat there and tried using her nicey-nice voice to calm the girl down, which was so not working, so then she just continued her adult conversation while the kid screamed herself out for another couple of minutes. My mom would not have allowed me to walk all over her like that and her reaction to such a fit on my part would be the complete opposite of nicey-nice. She would have scared the crap out of me so I'd stop and then she would have yelled at me for acting like a jackass in public. But lately moms seem too caught up in making their kids like them and not doing anything that might upset the kids any more than they might already be. And this is why the world is full of brats right now.)
But I digress...
The friends. Anyway, whatever some of the immediate causes of their depression, it is a vicious circle where they don't feel up to going out and seeing people so they sit on the couch and mope in front of the tv, because of which they feel worthless and upset because they never go out. I know. I was there before. There are undoubtedly several other underlying reasons why they got to this point which will require a shrink to figure out, and (as is so often the case) by the time it's gotten to this point where they and the people around them recognize what is going on, it's pretty damn bad.
Okay, I just went across the way to move my clothes from the washers to the dryers, and I left my purse directly behind me because my washers were on opposite sides of the aisle so I was between them and some dude that works there came up and started yelling at me because someone could come by and snatch my bag. Was he right? Yes. I was turning around every time someone approached to keep an eye on it but yes, if it wasn't actually being held in my hands I suppose I could have had it stolen. Did I need the public embarrassment of him screaming at me about it in front of everyone in the laundromat? Fuck no. Then as I was getting change out of the change machine, he started screaming at some dude to get the hell out of the store before he called the cops. At this point, some other white girl was leaving and she turned to me and said, "See, that's why you hold tight to your purse at all times." I was so incredibly pissed. I'm not some fucking idiot. I was quite aware of my purse and anyone who approached it. HOWEVER, it was impossible for me to hold onto the purse while reaching into the gigantor washer and pulling out the wet clothes into the basket. I am an adult who has somehow managed to live in the city this long without ever having my purse snatched, and maybe it's because I actually know what I'm doing or maybe it's because I'm lucky but either way, I am thirty fucking two years old and don't need to be yelled at by some laundromat attendant.
Phew. Deep breath. Digressing again. Suffice it to say, I miss when I was unemployed and could do my laundry at 2 in the afternoon on a weekday that everyone else didn't have off so no one but me and 3 other people were in the place. And when I came over to Tisane to sit and have coffee or a drink while my clothes dried, there wasn't a screaming two-year-old giving me a headache. Basically, my life would be so much nicer at this particular moment if I was still unemployed and didn't have to do my laundry on a holiday when everyone else has the day off too.
The depressed friends...I wish there was more I could do to help them besides just listen and tell them to get help, but there really isn't. I'm not smart enough to be their therapist. Too frustrated with the world right now to think any more on the nuances of the situation. I think I need to switch from coffee to wine right now and try to calm down, because now the yuppie couple sitting next to me is annoying the shit out of me and that is just stupid on my part because this place is full of yuppies; that's half the reason I come here.
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3 comments:
I don't even remember having tantrums when I was a kid. Not that I was that good it was just that I knew better than to act up in public. I only needed to be spanked once to learn my lesson.
When did laundry attendants become soo pushy?
I hope your friends get better and not worse. It's really hard to be depressed and too be in a not-so-great relationship.
If I tantrumed I was tossed into the car. And if it was winter to keep me from escaping my mom would take my boots. And if I was at home well the drawer would open and *thwack* out would come the wooden spoon. She didn't try to be my friend. I had friends. She was my enemy and I turned out fine. Uhm...relatively fine. I no longer tantrum in public that's for sure.
As for your friends...I never know what to say when one of mine is hurting. That's happening now. I'm speechless. All I can tell her is "this phone is always open. Hope things turn around for them.
We all want to connect with someone who feels the same way we do.
It's one of our driving forces as human beings. When someone doesn't share our feelings, it's a statement that they don't think we're as special as we think they are.
And no way around that, it hurts.
The only thing you can ever do is listen, and find ways to remind them that they are special, and someone who doesn't notice it is completely off their rocker. ;)
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