I Get In Touch With My Writing Roots

I wrote an essay as an undergrad that I was recently reminded of. I pulled it out and remembered that hey! I used to be a pretty good writer, and there's a reason I minored in writing. But now that I'm done patting myself on the back, I also decided to post this essay. Even though it's longer than most of my posts, now that I'm back in school I've been reminded that it is still relevant. So here it is:
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I am a student in an age when students have begun to take control of the classroom away from the teacher. Nowhere is this more evident than in colleges across the country where students have learned to manipulate teachers into giving them free rides because of all the “problems” we have that make it impossible to work. The work of excuse-making students is half-done before they even open their mouths. After all, sympathy is on our side. We are coming of age in a time of high drug use, teen pregnancy, anorexia, bulimia, and countless other problems that plague the youth of our society so it is easy for students to lament over their exaggerated problems to a professor. In fact, it is encouraged by a substance-abusing, overeating, undereating, depressed, hyperactive, neurotic, stressed-out, you-name-it-we-have-it society.

I have an acquaintance to whom many of these labels apply. “Ann” is a sometimes-anorexic, sometimes-bulimic, sometimes-depressed, sometimes-suicidal, sometimes-substance-abusing college junior. She slips in and out of these various identities with an ease that is frightening, but most of the time she is just plain normal. Do not misunderstand what I am about to say for lack of sympathy. I am truly sorry for Ann that she must fall into these labels to cover up what is surely a highly complex psychological problem.

Having issued the proper disclaimer, I must confess my disgust for Ann’s manipulation of her professors. Several times she has missed classes honestly due to these problems. When she explains to the professors, they are almost always very understanding. Yet much more often Ann brags to me about how she has missed classes, assignments, even a couple of exams because she would rather go out with her friends than do school work. “It’s so easy,” she tells me. “I just go in and tell them about my eating disorder and cry a lot, and I get excused.” She is careful never to miss too much of one course so that the teachers never get too suspicious.

There are those students who really have serious problems, and they deserve the teachers’ sympathy and generosity, but let’s not forget that it is generosity. There are also those students who make up problems to get out of assignments, and because they do not have these problems, they will never understand how inconsiderate they are being. Then there is Ann. She is both of these things, and as far as I’m concerned, she is the worst kind of person because she understands how real these problems are to those who have them, yet she exploits them anyway for her own gratification.

Ann feels that because of her suffering she has the right to lie. She refuses to see that she is demoralizing herself, that each time she lies about her problems, she totally undercuts the validity of every student who really was in the emergency room last night getting her stomach pumped, or really did have to go back into rehab. Soon professors will get wise and demand a note from the emergency room technician. As more students get caught in such lies, professors will become desensitized and less understanding of those who are telling the truth. A sad story and some tears won’t cut it anymore.

I wish I could say that I am exaggerating about Ann but I can’t. I wish I could say that she is an aberration, but she isn’t. “Bob,” another student who is a mutual friend of Ann and I, also expressed his distaste for her behavior to me. However, he chose a different way of dealing with it. He told me that if she can get away with such conduct, that he might as well get in on the action, and he has begun to use made-up problems to get an extra absence or two excused. Of course, he explained to me one day, he can’t say he’s anorexic because hardly any men have this disease. He prefers to use his family’s made-up problems, such as his father’s “drinking problem.”

Another classmate of mine, “Jane,” tells me because she hardly ever makes up excuses, that it is okay for her to do it once in awhile. Jane says that maybe once a year she lies to get out of class. My retort to this was, “If we all did it once a year, don’t you think that professors would get suspicious?”

She replied, “But we don’t all do it.”

Yes, Jane, but more and more of us are doing it every day, and some professors have begun to catch on. Last semester when I told my professor that I had to miss class because of a root canal, he said, “You better have a doctor’s note when you come back.” Some students to whom I voice my complaints tell me that I should mind my own business, that it’s not hurting me any, but this last example proves that it is my business because it is hurting me. Professors are beginning to harden. Granted, a root canal is not as big a deal as some people’s problems but this just illustrates that when something serious happens to any one of us, the sympathy may no longer be there because of students like Ann, Bob, and Jane, who lie to professors, and also because of all the students who know this is going on but don’t care. This excuse-making does matter to all students. These lies will eventually affect us all.

The micro-society which exists on college campuses is an indicator of what is going on in the rest of the country. The apathy of most students toward the situation is characteristic of many Americans’ strong reluctance to blame someone for doing something blatantly wrong, such as lying. If you doubt that this is so wide-spread, think about the last time you called in sick to work because you just didn’t feel like going in, or the last time you blamed a missed deadline on a personal problem. We all know this kind of lying and excuse-making goes on, and many of us have been guilty of it at one time or another. Perhaps it is this guilt that makes us lack the conviction to blame people such as Ann for abusing the trust of her professors. After all, if we have done it or have knowingly allowed it to happen, who are we to point the finger of blame?

So in this blameless society, I must excuse Ann’s reprehensible behavior. After all, it isn’t her fault that society has shaped her value system in such a way that it makes it okay to lie about her problems. And it isn’t her fault that her teachers so readily accept her tearful explanations as true. And it isn’t her fault that her friends want her to go out instead of studying. Is it?

I Rant About One Night Stands

I think a lot of girls get burned on one night stands because they aren't being honest with themselves about what is going on at the time. No one should ever sleep with someone on a first date/upon meeting them at a bar/on a drunken night with someone you've been friends with, expecting it to be the start of a beautiful relationship. But we girls tend to romanticize things, even when we try not to.

I'm not saying everyone always does this but I think more girls than guys get burned by reading too much into a one night stand. We convince ourselves that we slept with him so quickly because it was meant to be and nothing could keep us from giving into our feelings. Girls would do themselves much more justice if they just looked at it in a much more honest way.

Very few relationships actually begin under conditions which could possibly lead to a one night stand. Mostly, only one night stands happen under conditions which could possibly lead to one night stands. If we want to sleep with a guy before anything real has developed we need to go into it with our eyes open to the fact that this is what it is: Two people who don't know each other very well fulfilling a need both of them have. End of story.

Now yes, maybe something might develop after the fact but this cannot be used as a factor when deciding whether to have sex with a guy who is not your boyfriend. As long as you are okay with this being a onetime thing, no strings attached, then go for it and be safe. If you are going to be waiting around to see if he calls you for days after, then do not, I repeat do not sleep with this guy right now.

I am neither advocating nor opposing one night stands here. I'm sure many of us have been there and many others would not even consider it. Have I done it? Yes. Am I ashamed of it? Well, I wouldn't tell my mother about it and I wouldn't go doing it all the time, but I'm obviously not too ashamed to be writing about it here. I managed just fine because I knew what I was getting into and knew what I was not going to get out of it.

All I'm saying is that we should all be honest with ourselves about what is happening when we decide to get into these things.

A Mouse Releases My Inner Girly Girl

There's a mouse in my bedroom and I'm freaking out. The cat brought it in from the garage and let it loose around 2:30 am. I was still up chatting on AIM, another favorite activity of mine when the insomnia hits, when all of a sudden my cats started being totally hyper, which I didn't immediately connect with a mouse . They can be totally hyper just because. But then I heard the squeaking at the same time as it ran out from under my chair. I nearly dropped my laptop.

I try really hard not to be that girl that squeals and climbs on a chair so I went and found a box to put it in and a container to try to catch it in. My plan was to try to catch it and secure it in the box for the night so that today I could drive far, far away from the house and let it loose.

So when I came back from getting my tools, it was under the surround sound speaker on the floor with the cats surrounding it. I got a yard stick and tried to sweep it out from under there, thinking it would see the yard stick coming and run away from it but no the stupid mouse ran right up the yardstick!

At that point my inner girly girl took over and I screamed and screamed and jumped up onto the bench at the end of my bed. The mouse nearly running up my arm did me in. I could no longer be Brave Tina. I stood on the bench collecting myself for a minute, and realized that despite my hysterical screams no one came to see what was the matter. Good to know that when I am raped and murdered in my bed no one will rescue me.

Then I realized the dumb cats were still crouching around the speaker, so I took Andy and tried to shove him under the bed after the mouse but he wouldn't go. Nothing I could do would make them realize the mouse was no longer under the speaker. Now in my daytime clear head I'm realizing I should have just lifted the speaker up to show them, but I didn't think of that then.

So I spent the rest of the night until about 6:30 am cowering in the center of my bed, unable to sleep for fear that the mouse would crawl onto me in my sleep. Finally I had the brilliant idea of sleeping on the couch and left the cats in the room to take care of their business. Still, sleeping on the couch while others have their morning all around you is not so easy so it was not a good night, ahem, morning's sleep to say the least.

And, guess what? No dead mouse today so I can only still imagine that it is scampering around the bedroom still. Oh great.

Like and Lust Scales and Futures Index

I had a conversation recently (actually an argument) with a guy I used to be involved with, the whole basis of which was how much I did or didn't like him throughout our involvement. That conversation is not what I want to write about today; it was stupid and I will only get annoyed again thinking about it. But I did start thinking about all the different connotations of the word like, and I want to develop this theory I have in my head.

You can put liking someone on a scale, where a 1 is just this side of neutral feelings and 10 is can't live without the person. But the Like Scale, if you will, can only involve pure platonic, friendship feelings. So say a 3-5 means you enjoy spending time with someone but wouldn't be devastated if they left your life.

Now, you also have to consider when dealing with people of the opposite sex the Lust Scale. On this scale, a 1 would be you wouldn't be opposed to a kiss but don't feel strongly enough to necessarily act on it. A 10 would be you want to rip their clothes off and do them right there every time you see them.

What you need to do is figure out where on both scales a particular person falls and add those numbers together to get a measurement on what we will call the Futures Index, which then defines what kind of friendship/relationship you would be happy with from this person. Of course, the index then doesn't tell the whole story because, for instance, someone may score at a 1 on the Like Scale and 10 on the Lust Scale, giving him an index of an 11. Second scenario: He scores a 10 on the Like Scale and a 1 on the Lust Scale, also resulting in an index of 11.

You need to analyze the Futures Index in relation to the individual scale measurements that are its components to get a true picture of where things fall. The first 11, for instance, means someone is good for a one night stand, whereas the second 11 means that guy is an excellent choice for a best friend.

Obviously, the best scenario for a long term relationship would be when a guy scores a 20 on the Futures Index. Well, so long as your score on his Futures Index is also a 20. Now, of course there is going to be movement along each scale over time. Sometimes a guy that starts out low on the Lust Scale may eventually move up as you learn more about him and appreciate him more fully. Conversely, a guy that starts out high on the Lust Scale may do things that over time turn you off and move down on the Lust Scale. And of course people are usually going to move on the Like Scale. No one ever starts out at a 10 here and if no one ever slid down the Like Scale people would be much less likely to end relationships.

One could argue that there are other scales to be included in the Futures Index like a Compatibility Scale or a Personal Behaviors Scale but I think you can sort just about every aspect of male-female relations into the like or lust categories and therefore they are already being measured. For instance, you don't like someone that has personal behaviors you disagree with, and mental compatibility is an aspect of how much you like someone whereas physical compatibility is a direct aspect of your lust for them.

So there you have it: Tina's theory on measuring your feelings for the opposite sex. Of course, I could go into more detail on how exactly to make measurements on each scale and what different index scores with different scale combinations mean but that would make this entry way too long. Maybe some other day.

Sushi Tips for Beginners, And I Get an Awesome Tip

On Friday I had my best tip night ever at the bar, partly thanks to this one guy who tipped me $60 and bought me a shot. I was feeling very Coyote Ugly that night. Also , it was incredibly busy that night, adding to the best tip night ever but also making me absolutely exhausted when I left. For once I was glad to go home on a Friday night and do nothing much.

I've been getting kind of sick of that place lately but Friday helped. I might stick around until the summer now. It's a Japanese sushi bar and steakhouse run by Chinese people. The owner is the sushi chef and he feeds me raw fish sometimes. I never had it before I worked there but 2005 was all about trying new things so whatever he offers, I try at least once. I'm still not convinced I'd pay money for the stuff but most of it is passably edible.

Tuna and Salmon are good places to start for anyone interested. They are mild tasting and have a good texture, which means they are not slimy, as you might expect. You might even convince yourself that what you are eating is tofu (not that tofu is much more appealing than raw fish). They are mild enough that if you dip the sushi in soy sauce or take a little wasabi with it, you might even think you are eating rice with soy sauce and wasabi.

Another roll I don't mind much is Eel. The Eel roll is cooked, not raw. It does have a definite taste to it and a chewier texture than Tuna or Salmon, but the taste is still relatively mild yet distinct, like shrimp, lobster or crab. Of course, there are other cooked rolls that you can order and still have the coolness factor of having eaten at a sushi bar: Crunchy Tuna or Crunchy Scallops are good ones. They are tempura battered and fried before being rolled. Of course, if you truly want to stay away from raw, I should tell you to brush the neon orange little round balls off the top of your roll because that is fish roe.

There are two things I would never eat even when offered to me for free. The first, Sea Urchin, I have tried before but found it retch-worthy. It is so rubbery you can barely chew it and it has a nasty bumpy quality to it as well. I can't even say that once you get past the texture you might enjoy the taste. The taste is just nasty and no amount of wasabi can cover it up. Trust me; I tried. The other is also cooked and I have never tried it and never will, on principle. The chef takes a martini glass (One of mine!! How dare he!!) and makes a bed of rice noodles, on top of which he lays several inch-wide baby octopi! They just sit there with their tiny bodies resting in the middle of their eight little arms all splayed out. It is so horrible and I just can't wash the martini glass enough times after the bus boy gives it back to me.

Of course, my best advice when going to a Japanese sushi and steakhouse is just order the steak.