I have a phone phobia. I'm sure there's some scientific name for it but I don't know what it is. All I know is that I have never enjoyed talking on the phone the way many girls do, not even when I was a teenager. I can talk to just about anyone face to face but I cannot deal with talking to them on the phone.
I mean, I do use the phone when I have to. I'm not that bad, but I only use it as a last resort. I will email, IM, text or go see someone in person first and only call them when I have no choice in the matter. I will wait for days to return someone's phone call while I figure out if I can get around calling them at all. When I have to call someone I am not extremely good friends with I may sit down and write notes about what I'm going to say. (Like Monk does for in person conversations, if you ever saw that show.)
I just have absolutely no social phone skills. I am a shy phone person but usually very outgoing in person, go figure. I don't know how to fill pauses so they just go on and on and I have no idea how to end a conversation so I always just wait for the other person to do it. I'm always worried that whatever I say to end it will sound rude. Go figure, since whatever other people say would probably be the same thing but always comes out sounding fine from them.
And I always worry that since all the person on the other end has to go on to form impressions of me is my words that I'm going to say the wrong thing or say something the wrong way and they won't be able to see my face and since I can't see theirs, I won't know how they took what I said. And I'm a very sarcastic person and sarcasm doesn't play well over the phone sometimes so I might offend someone. I just need to see the person to bounce the conversation back and forth better.
So that's my dirty, freaky little secret for tonight.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
The Evil Dream Catcher
I bought a dream catcher at a Native American arts and crafts exhibition after Thanksgiving but I only got around to putting it up three days ago. And every night since I've been having bad dreams. I think it's broken or else it's mad at me because my cat beat it up.
Last night was a strange, sad dream. I've had variations of this dream about my ex before where I decided to take him back and then when we were in the middle of sex I'd realize I had made a mistake and want to break it off again. This one was different but I can see that it grew out of those.
I dreamed that I decided I wanted to be friends with him again and thought he understood the same. So in the dream we were spending time together as platonic friends for about a month when we decided to take a trip together. And he was in my hotel room hanging out with me when he tried to start kissing me and stuff and I was all like, hey! What are you doing? I thought you knew I just wanted to be friends!
And he wouldn't stop kissing me (don't worry this is not ending in a tragedy) and he was very mad, saying come on. I put in my time being friends. I deserve this. When I kept refusing, he stormed out and went to his car that was parked outside and below the room. When he got there he saw that someone had splattered blue paint all over his truck and he started screaming up to me and threatening me, saying he knew I had done it (I hadn't) and he was going to get me. He was being so belligerent I had to call the police and they came and arrested him.
Only now I was stuck at this hotel with no ride home so I called my house to ask my sister to come get me and my mom answered but she couldn't hear me and she was in the middle of a conversation with my sister (as if the phone had been knocked off the hook or something). She was telling my sister everything that had just happened to me from the ex's perspective so I knew she had been talking to him about it. That was when I woke up.
I know the part about my mom having talked to him comes from the fact that she really still does. He works on my family's cars for them still even though we've been apart for like a year now. And he calls my mom now and again and they talk for like an hour. It makes me so mad. And last night before I went to bed I noticed she had her rolodex open to his phone number, hence I had the dream.
But still, I am not prone to bad dreams as a rule, so to have 3 in a row after I put up this dream catcher is just freaky. Tonight I'm going to have a little talk with it and apologize to it for my cat's rude actions. If that doesn't work then I'll take it down and mail it anonymously to an enemy.
Last night was a strange, sad dream. I've had variations of this dream about my ex before where I decided to take him back and then when we were in the middle of sex I'd realize I had made a mistake and want to break it off again. This one was different but I can see that it grew out of those.
I dreamed that I decided I wanted to be friends with him again and thought he understood the same. So in the dream we were spending time together as platonic friends for about a month when we decided to take a trip together. And he was in my hotel room hanging out with me when he tried to start kissing me and stuff and I was all like, hey! What are you doing? I thought you knew I just wanted to be friends!
And he wouldn't stop kissing me (don't worry this is not ending in a tragedy) and he was very mad, saying come on. I put in my time being friends. I deserve this. When I kept refusing, he stormed out and went to his car that was parked outside and below the room. When he got there he saw that someone had splattered blue paint all over his truck and he started screaming up to me and threatening me, saying he knew I had done it (I hadn't) and he was going to get me. He was being so belligerent I had to call the police and they came and arrested him.
Only now I was stuck at this hotel with no ride home so I called my house to ask my sister to come get me and my mom answered but she couldn't hear me and she was in the middle of a conversation with my sister (as if the phone had been knocked off the hook or something). She was telling my sister everything that had just happened to me from the ex's perspective so I knew she had been talking to him about it. That was when I woke up.
I know the part about my mom having talked to him comes from the fact that she really still does. He works on my family's cars for them still even though we've been apart for like a year now. And he calls my mom now and again and they talk for like an hour. It makes me so mad. And last night before I went to bed I noticed she had her rolodex open to his phone number, hence I had the dream.
But still, I am not prone to bad dreams as a rule, so to have 3 in a row after I put up this dream catcher is just freaky. Tonight I'm going to have a little talk with it and apologize to it for my cat's rude actions. If that doesn't work then I'll take it down and mail it anonymously to an enemy.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I've Moved!
I've moved all my postings from my previous host to this new site so the dates you see in parentheses on all previous posts indicate their original post dates.
Christmas Day: Mom's Fam and a Christmas Miracle (12/26/05)
On Christmas Day my niece woke me up at 8:15, which I thought showed a lot of restraint on her part. She still believes in Santa but this was the first year we decided not to fill the adults’ stockings. We told her that there are lots of poor kids in the world and so we asked Santa to give more presents to the poor kids instead of to us because Christmas is about the kids. (I’m the one that came up with that idea and I think it was a pretty good one if I do say so myself.) She told me that morning that the night before she had secretly asked Santa to put something in her stocking for my cat Andy, and guess what? When she unwrapped her stocking stuffers sure enough there was a toy for Andy. She was extremely excited about all of her presents.
Next thing that happens at Christmas at my house is my mom’s family descends upon the place. They are a motley crew to say the least, and I love them all. (Well, almost all of them; I’m not obliged to love the ones that married into the family.) My mom and my Aunt Mary are the cool kids in her family. There were two turkeys, one a Butterball and the other a store brand. The Butterball was prepared with a rub and cooked in the oven to get a nice, crispy skin. The other one was just basted and cooked on the stovetop (since we can’t fit two turkeys in the oven) and does not get a crispy skin. So the Good Turkey, once it was done, was ushered into my sister’s room and hidden there for the cool families to have: Mom, Dad, Stacy, Kristy, and me; Mary, Tony, and their sons Scott and Jamie. All the uncool families had to eat from the soggy-skinned turkey but everyone got to have some of the ham.
My cousin’s wife, whose secret nickname among the cool kids is Tits, is perhaps my least favorite. She’s about a 42 DDD I’d say and the first time she came to a family function (before they were married) she tried to make a good impression with all of us by straddling my cousin and grinding him while deep tongue kissing. I mean, children had to be removed from the room. Then later that same day she walked past my poor Uncle Tony in a doorway, and despite there being plenty of room, she turned to face him and pushed her boobs against him, saying, “Oh, excuse me.” For awhile my cousin joined the army and was stationed in Seattle with her. That was a happy time for me.
There’s another aunt, C, who has somewhere between 8-12 kids. The joke with her used to always be, “How many kids does C have this year?” Now she’s hit menopause and the new big question is, “How many kids do C’s kids have this year?” There’s my cousin V’s ex-fiance, who I am soooooo happy is an ex. He used to be my least favorite because I swear he was a child molester. I never had any proof of course, but it was as if you could see the lustful gleam in his eyes when he looked at the children. I shudder just thinking about him now. Another cousin’s husband, A, is a very nice man. I worked with him as a teenager. But I think he’s just a little too happy to spend time around my sisters and I. We always get un-asked-for shoulder massages and such. Even though it’s a little creepy, though, at least I get free massages. I do love my massages.
My mom’s family, who I’ve only just mentioned the worst about here, is overall one of the best families I could imagine having. They are real and honest people. They don’t put on false faces toward you or judge you the way my dad’s family would. They accept you for who you are and welcome in new people and treat them as their own at the drop of a hat.
Nevertheless, after a few hours, I was in need of some liquid refreshment so I gathered my sisters and we retired to my bedroom where we each did a shot and had a glass of wine. Then we decided we still weren’t ready to face the crowd again and had a glass of rum and coke. We let Stacy pour the rum, which was a mistake in hindsight. She is the least experienced bartender and poured herself at first about ½ shot. After some careful coaching, she managed to pour a whole shot. Then she turned around and promptly poured about 4 shots each into Kristy’s and my glasses. Needless to say, we did not need another drink after that one.
We spent about two hours I think sitting on my bed and talking and laughing, and that is my best memory this Christmas, or for that matter it is my best memory in many, many Christmases. As a teenager, I did not get along with Stacy. It took me a few years into adulthood to get over old sibling rivalries, and by that time Kristy and Stacy no longer got along. They haven’t for years. This night was the first night that I can remember the three of us alone together being happy and truly enjoying each other. It was a little tiny Christmas miracle.
After the extended family leaves, we all gather in the living room again and finish exchanging gifts. We have a nice quiet few hours giggling at my dog unwrapping her presents and watching my niece being a kid at Christmas. When everything is finally unwrapped, we clean up and sit peacefully with one another for some time until we one at a time make our way to bed.
Those last few hours are usually my favorite part of the holiday but this year it was the couple of hours that we three sisters spent together. I know it’s probably pretty hokey of me to say but I truly mean it: All of us girls getting along and enjoying one another was the best Christmas present I could have gotten.
Next thing that happens at Christmas at my house is my mom’s family descends upon the place. They are a motley crew to say the least, and I love them all. (Well, almost all of them; I’m not obliged to love the ones that married into the family.) My mom and my Aunt Mary are the cool kids in her family. There were two turkeys, one a Butterball and the other a store brand. The Butterball was prepared with a rub and cooked in the oven to get a nice, crispy skin. The other one was just basted and cooked on the stovetop (since we can’t fit two turkeys in the oven) and does not get a crispy skin. So the Good Turkey, once it was done, was ushered into my sister’s room and hidden there for the cool families to have: Mom, Dad, Stacy, Kristy, and me; Mary, Tony, and their sons Scott and Jamie. All the uncool families had to eat from the soggy-skinned turkey but everyone got to have some of the ham.
My cousin’s wife, whose secret nickname among the cool kids is Tits, is perhaps my least favorite. She’s about a 42 DDD I’d say and the first time she came to a family function (before they were married) she tried to make a good impression with all of us by straddling my cousin and grinding him while deep tongue kissing. I mean, children had to be removed from the room. Then later that same day she walked past my poor Uncle Tony in a doorway, and despite there being plenty of room, she turned to face him and pushed her boobs against him, saying, “Oh, excuse me.” For awhile my cousin joined the army and was stationed in Seattle with her. That was a happy time for me.
There’s another aunt, C, who has somewhere between 8-12 kids. The joke with her used to always be, “How many kids does C have this year?” Now she’s hit menopause and the new big question is, “How many kids do C’s kids have this year?” There’s my cousin V’s ex-fiance, who I am soooooo happy is an ex. He used to be my least favorite because I swear he was a child molester. I never had any proof of course, but it was as if you could see the lustful gleam in his eyes when he looked at the children. I shudder just thinking about him now. Another cousin’s husband, A, is a very nice man. I worked with him as a teenager. But I think he’s just a little too happy to spend time around my sisters and I. We always get un-asked-for shoulder massages and such. Even though it’s a little creepy, though, at least I get free massages. I do love my massages.
My mom’s family, who I’ve only just mentioned the worst about here, is overall one of the best families I could imagine having. They are real and honest people. They don’t put on false faces toward you or judge you the way my dad’s family would. They accept you for who you are and welcome in new people and treat them as their own at the drop of a hat.
Nevertheless, after a few hours, I was in need of some liquid refreshment so I gathered my sisters and we retired to my bedroom where we each did a shot and had a glass of wine. Then we decided we still weren’t ready to face the crowd again and had a glass of rum and coke. We let Stacy pour the rum, which was a mistake in hindsight. She is the least experienced bartender and poured herself at first about ½ shot. After some careful coaching, she managed to pour a whole shot. Then she turned around and promptly poured about 4 shots each into Kristy’s and my glasses. Needless to say, we did not need another drink after that one.
We spent about two hours I think sitting on my bed and talking and laughing, and that is my best memory this Christmas, or for that matter it is my best memory in many, many Christmases. As a teenager, I did not get along with Stacy. It took me a few years into adulthood to get over old sibling rivalries, and by that time Kristy and Stacy no longer got along. They haven’t for years. This night was the first night that I can remember the three of us alone together being happy and truly enjoying each other. It was a little tiny Christmas miracle.
After the extended family leaves, we all gather in the living room again and finish exchanging gifts. We have a nice quiet few hours giggling at my dog unwrapping her presents and watching my niece being a kid at Christmas. When everything is finally unwrapped, we clean up and sit peacefully with one another for some time until we one at a time make our way to bed.
Those last few hours are usually my favorite part of the holiday but this year it was the couple of hours that we three sisters spent together. I know it’s probably pretty hokey of me to say but I truly mean it: All of us girls getting along and enjoying one another was the best Christmas present I could have gotten.
Xmas Eve Hilites: Grandmonster's "Sick", Dad Pisses Me Off, Doorknob Breaks (12/24/05)
I had to wake up at 7:30—way earlier than Whit would ever dare to wake me up—since we have a tradition in our family of going to the mall every Christmas Eve morning. (Did I mention that the whole lot of us are mad?) So we got there and had coffee and muffins before splitting up to do our last minute shopping. I only had my dad and my dog to shop for. (Yes, I shop for my dog. She knows how to unwrap tissue paper wrapped presents and gets very upset if she sees us unwrapping stuff and she doesn’t get anything so I must buy her chewy treats and squeaky toys every Christmas.)
My dad was still left because he’s been acting like a jerk lately and I haven’t felt much like buying a present for him. First, when asked what he wanted for Christmas he informed my mom that all he wanted was a plasma screen TV and since we couldn’t afford to get him one he was just going to ask for nothing. I mean, how old are we here? Then last week my mom was sick with a cold and laying in bed coughing. My dad comes into me as I’m making my Christmas cookies and informs me that he’s really, really worried about my mother. Can I hear her in there coughing away like that? She can’t handle doing anything with my niece. I’m like, she has a cold. I mean, I know she has cancer as well but we just came from a doctor’s visit yesterday and she is in remission and doing fine. When cancer patients have colds, guess what they do? They cough, just like me and you. But he was not done. He moved on to some statement (don’t remember his exact wording here) the general gist of which was that my niece and I are killing my mother. Did I mention he’s a therapist? He should know better than to pull this crap.
So anyway, I did of course get him a Christmas present because from Christmas Eve through Christmas night I love my whole family and see no faults. I’m just happy they’re all around. On December 26th I can go back to being angry with him if I want but not now.
When we got home from the mall we were doing some last minute wrapping before meeting my dad’s brother and his wife for pizza for lunch. We normally eat with the Grandmonster but she had called first thing this morning to inform us that she is sick so she is canceling Christmas Eve. Now, she is elderly so you might expect me to show some concern but you have to understand this woman. She got a cold once and decided to sell her condo and move into a very expensive convalescent home. Four months later she realized that these people are like five stages worse than her, as she is still walking around and driving just fine. Now she’s spent a significant chunk of her savings on this place that was way out of her budget and also sold her condo for like half the market value because she was so anxious to prove how frail she was. Another time she called the ambulance to drive her to the hospital because two days ago she had a tiny drop of blood in her stool. So sick is a relative term with her.
I think the real story is that she was upset with us for not meeting her for lunch yesterday and decided to punish us by not showing today. This is a pretty routine action with her: We do something to upset her and she cancels our next plans at the last minute. What she will just never get is that it is no punishment to us if she doesn’t show. She is just like a two-year-old cutting off her nose to spite her face. She sits home pouting while we go out anyway and have a good time.
So anyway before we left for lunch, the door handle fell off the outside of the bathroom door. My dad got really pissed about the whole thing the way dads do sometimes and I tried to come up with creative solutions: Make an instruction manual for how to open the door with no handle and tape it to the door; keep the handle (which can be pushed into the mechanism and turned to open the door before it falls out again) hidden and make people pay to use the toilet; attach it to a tire rim and hand it to people saying, “Now don’t run off with this!” None of this amused my dad, though the rest of us laughed heartily because let’s face it. I’m pretty funny.
The evening is always spent stuffing two turkeys (we also serve a ham) and doing other little things to prepare for 40-50 guests that will show up tomorrow—aka my mom’s family. This year I prepared our sun room for all the little kids by wrapping practically the entire room in plastic sheeting.
Let those little suckers try their worst! I am prepared for Christmas of ’05!
My dad was still left because he’s been acting like a jerk lately and I haven’t felt much like buying a present for him. First, when asked what he wanted for Christmas he informed my mom that all he wanted was a plasma screen TV and since we couldn’t afford to get him one he was just going to ask for nothing. I mean, how old are we here? Then last week my mom was sick with a cold and laying in bed coughing. My dad comes into me as I’m making my Christmas cookies and informs me that he’s really, really worried about my mother. Can I hear her in there coughing away like that? She can’t handle doing anything with my niece. I’m like, she has a cold. I mean, I know she has cancer as well but we just came from a doctor’s visit yesterday and she is in remission and doing fine. When cancer patients have colds, guess what they do? They cough, just like me and you. But he was not done. He moved on to some statement (don’t remember his exact wording here) the general gist of which was that my niece and I are killing my mother. Did I mention he’s a therapist? He should know better than to pull this crap.
So anyway, I did of course get him a Christmas present because from Christmas Eve through Christmas night I love my whole family and see no faults. I’m just happy they’re all around. On December 26th I can go back to being angry with him if I want but not now.
When we got home from the mall we were doing some last minute wrapping before meeting my dad’s brother and his wife for pizza for lunch. We normally eat with the Grandmonster but she had called first thing this morning to inform us that she is sick so she is canceling Christmas Eve. Now, she is elderly so you might expect me to show some concern but you have to understand this woman. She got a cold once and decided to sell her condo and move into a very expensive convalescent home. Four months later she realized that these people are like five stages worse than her, as she is still walking around and driving just fine. Now she’s spent a significant chunk of her savings on this place that was way out of her budget and also sold her condo for like half the market value because she was so anxious to prove how frail she was. Another time she called the ambulance to drive her to the hospital because two days ago she had a tiny drop of blood in her stool. So sick is a relative term with her.
I think the real story is that she was upset with us for not meeting her for lunch yesterday and decided to punish us by not showing today. This is a pretty routine action with her: We do something to upset her and she cancels our next plans at the last minute. What she will just never get is that it is no punishment to us if she doesn’t show. She is just like a two-year-old cutting off her nose to spite her face. She sits home pouting while we go out anyway and have a good time.
So anyway before we left for lunch, the door handle fell off the outside of the bathroom door. My dad got really pissed about the whole thing the way dads do sometimes and I tried to come up with creative solutions: Make an instruction manual for how to open the door with no handle and tape it to the door; keep the handle (which can be pushed into the mechanism and turned to open the door before it falls out again) hidden and make people pay to use the toilet; attach it to a tire rim and hand it to people saying, “Now don’t run off with this!” None of this amused my dad, though the rest of us laughed heartily because let’s face it. I’m pretty funny.
The evening is always spent stuffing two turkeys (we also serve a ham) and doing other little things to prepare for 40-50 guests that will show up tomorrow—aka my mom’s family. This year I prepared our sun room for all the little kids by wrapping practically the entire room in plastic sheeting.
Let those little suckers try their worst! I am prepared for Christmas of ’05!
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