There's a new guy. We had our first date on December 1st. I haven't written about him yet because I haven't been sure how to put it into words. I suck at feelings talk; I either over-analyze it or completely misread things, and besides, the whole feelings thing makes me completely uncomfortable. I can write about the guys I've dated here because they've all been complete stories, with a beginning, middle, and end. This guy doesn't have an end, and I don't even think we've reached the middle yet.
The first date was very nice; we had dinner after drinks, but I pretty much already knew I was going to let him get to the dinner point based on our previous conversations. This is an intelligent, thoughtful guy who actually had a conversation with me about my thesis that lasted longer than 2 minutes. And he was funny. So when he came in to meet me, he came over and gave me a hello kiss, which was a first for me, but nice. Considering we are both professed shy first-daters, the conversation went relatively well, and after dinner he wanted to continue the date, so we decided to see a movie. We stopped at my place so I could walk Ginny and the movie we wanted to see wasn't starting for awhile, so we played Wii for a bit. That was fun.
At the movie, he never tried to hold my hand or anything, so I began to think maybe I was misreading things, and he was having a good time as a friend but wasn't attracted to me. I spent half the movie wondering whether I should just take his hand or wait for him to make a move. On the car ride home, I decided to at least let him know I was definitely interested physically, so I touched his hand and thanked him for a very nice night. I guess that was all he was waiting for, because he took my hand then, and when we got back to my place I could tell he wanted to come up but I wanted to wait, so we just made out in the car for a bit, exchanged numbers, and promised to see each other again.
That was Saturday. We saw each other 3 more times that week. On the third date, we slept together. The sex ... he knows all the right things to do at all the right times. I don't think I've ever been with someone I felt knew my body like him. Since then, needless to say, we've spent a lot of time in bed. One day he played hooky from work and spent the whole day at my place. We imbibed a bit, so I was not of my right mind. I hadn't spent more than 4 or 5 hours (awake) with a guy I was dating since the Big X. I started to freak a bit; it was the only time in the weeks I've spent with the New Guy that I had the remotest onset of panic attacks.
In my impaired state, I was worried that if he spent too much time in a row with me, he'd start to get annoyed with me, or I'd start to get bitchy or something, so I tried to overcompensate by being extra extra nice, and apologizing if I thought I sounded at all snappish, and trying to get him to say that he liked me a lot to compensate for my insecurity. The next day, he came over at lunchtime to tell me that he likes me but he thinks I'm falling for him too fast and he doesn't want to hurt me so I need to slow down. Because he has commitment issues. I, of course, knew that the day before (and actually the day before that for another reason, when I stupidly asked if he was my boyfriend) I had behaved like a bit of a jackass, and fully agreed with him.
If only he knew the reason I was perhaps coming on a bit too strong was because I was trying to cover up my panic and not scare him away or hurt his feelings, should he realize I was panicking about him. At any rate, I think I managed to assure him that I truly wasn't falling for him as fast as he feared. We continued to see each other for the next two weeks pretty much any night we weren't doing something else. He left on the 22nd for India to spend 3 weeks with his family, so we'll see where things are when he gets back.
I have more thoughts but my niece is back from her basketball game so I must entertain.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Yule Tidings 2007, Part II
I'm feeling much better now that my cough syrup with codeine has taken effect, but to give you an idea of how I was feeling earlier, here is my away message on AIM: You know those people who get so upset with their employer or some big corporation that they blame that office for ruining their lives? And they take a gun and go to that office and shoot lots of people? I totally get them right now...
My Christmas was quite nice; I was sick as a dog and at one point had 3 shirts and 2 blankets wrapped around me while I continued to shiver from the cold. One of the 2 turkeys I was cooking had raw dark meat when my dad carved it, thanks to Stacy basting it with the oven door wide open for fifteen minutes, making the oven completely lose its heat. I think she did that twice, which means the turkey lost at least an hour's cooking time. My Aunt Dianne later thanked me for a beautiful Christmas. "You know, except for that one turkey." My niece lied about still believing in Santa after she had already told my sister that she didn't anymore, just so she would get more presents. My Aunt Dianne took home most of the turkey leftovers so we had none left for ourselves, even though we paid for and prepared them.
In between all that and some other stuff, though, I got to spend time with my sisters and my dad; with my Aunt Mary and Uncle Tony; with all the members of my mom's family that I only see twice a year. I got to speak to my Uncle George in Florida. We played games and drank wine and talked about all the totally unimportant things that in the end make for really good conversation and good times with the people you love, the people who are so important to who you are. On any other day of the year, I would have wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day long feeling as sick as I did, but on that day, in this year, I would have been no place else. And I know my mother was there with us, and I know she was nodding along as Mary, Dad, and I bitched away about Aunt Dianne.
Some other time I'll write about why it is that I want to go postal on my insurance company; for now, with codeine coursing through my blood, while I'm nice and cozy in my own bed with my puppy sleeping peacefully next to me, I'm too content to recall how just two hours ago I was so angry, achy, and frustrated I couldn't even put words to it. The insurance people are still alive to annoy me for another day. For now, I really do just wish peace on earth and good will to men. But that's just the drugs talking...
My Christmas was quite nice; I was sick as a dog and at one point had 3 shirts and 2 blankets wrapped around me while I continued to shiver from the cold. One of the 2 turkeys I was cooking had raw dark meat when my dad carved it, thanks to Stacy basting it with the oven door wide open for fifteen minutes, making the oven completely lose its heat. I think she did that twice, which means the turkey lost at least an hour's cooking time. My Aunt Dianne later thanked me for a beautiful Christmas. "You know, except for that one turkey." My niece lied about still believing in Santa after she had already told my sister that she didn't anymore, just so she would get more presents. My Aunt Dianne took home most of the turkey leftovers so we had none left for ourselves, even though we paid for and prepared them.
In between all that and some other stuff, though, I got to spend time with my sisters and my dad; with my Aunt Mary and Uncle Tony; with all the members of my mom's family that I only see twice a year. I got to speak to my Uncle George in Florida. We played games and drank wine and talked about all the totally unimportant things that in the end make for really good conversation and good times with the people you love, the people who are so important to who you are. On any other day of the year, I would have wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day long feeling as sick as I did, but on that day, in this year, I would have been no place else. And I know my mother was there with us, and I know she was nodding along as Mary, Dad, and I bitched away about Aunt Dianne.
Some other time I'll write about why it is that I want to go postal on my insurance company; for now, with codeine coursing through my blood, while I'm nice and cozy in my own bed with my puppy sleeping peacefully next to me, I'm too content to recall how just two hours ago I was so angry, achy, and frustrated I couldn't even put words to it. The insurance people are still alive to annoy me for another day. For now, I really do just wish peace on earth and good will to men. But that's just the drugs talking...
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Yule Tidings 2007
3:15 AM
Woke up to preheat turkey roaster. Wrapped Xmas stocking presents and stuffed stocking for niece; wrapped Santa gift and disguised writing on label. Ate 2 cookies, threw the rest out. Made tiny bit of cocoa in bottom of mug and left cookie crumb lip marks on rim of mug. Threw carrots for reindeer the hell out. Melted butter and basted Turkey #1. Set alarm for 5 to preheat oven for Turkey #2. Did I mention there's also a ham? 40 people expected in 7 hours.
It's now 4:17 but am not tired enough to go back to sleep despite the fact that was up til 12:45 and woke up 3 times after that before alarm went off. It's probably a combination of:
Woke up to preheat turkey roaster. Wrapped Xmas stocking presents and stuffed stocking for niece; wrapped Santa gift and disguised writing on label. Ate 2 cookies, threw the rest out. Made tiny bit of cocoa in bottom of mug and left cookie crumb lip marks on rim of mug. Threw carrots for reindeer the hell out. Melted butter and basted Turkey #1. Set alarm for 5 to preheat oven for Turkey #2. Did I mention there's also a ham? 40 people expected in 7 hours.
It's now 4:17 but am not tired enough to go back to sleep despite the fact that was up til 12:45 and woke up 3 times after that before alarm went off. It's probably a combination of:
- Am sick with 3rd cold in a month, thanks to taking care of sick niece last week.
- Ginny is crying at the bedroom door to be let out so she can go eat a 22 pound raw turkey all by herself.
- Did I mention this is the first Christmas without my mom? And I ran out of happy pills 2 days ago? Not going to be a great day...
Sunday, December 09, 2007
The Whore Looker
Ah, the Urination Incident...
You know how people say to you after a particularly horrifying incident in your life, "One day you'll look back on this and laugh"? (They are always saying this as they laugh at you and you are most noticeably not laughing, I've noticed...) Well, as painful as it may be at the moment, I've come to realize that in fact, they are usually right. And looking back at this incident over a month later, I can say that this was exactly one of those times.
He was cute, the right age, and his job description said government contractor. I figured government contractor meant he was stable. Silly me. But I foreshadow... we had pretty good conversation IMing, which is my favorite means of getting to know someone pre-date. Turns out he was a trucker whose company sometimes contracted to the U.S. Post Office, but more often contracted to, say, a microbrewery. Still, I tried to keep an open mind.
A trucker. I might date a trucker. Truckers make decent money. They connect the commerce centers of America. A lot of them have wives and children to whom they are faithful and loving. He's a trucker so he mostly can't IM and so I tried to overcome my phone phobia for him. We talked quite a bit for 2 days straight, and had our first date at the end of that second day. We went to the Wood N Tap down the road from my place, and dinner was good. We had good conversation and there was a definite physical attraction. There was a lot of eye contact and flirting, touching each other's hands, etc.
Outside the restaurant we made out against the car. I was expecting Mike to come by later that night; he had been having trouble with his latest girlfriend and needed to talk, so I figured it would be fairly safe to let the Trucker come back to my place since there was less than an hour before Mike would arrive. Wrong...I can get into trouble in less than an hour. We totally did it. Three times. (Not that that meant a lot since the total length of the three times added up to about ten minutes.) Still, I don't mind all that much when a guy finishes kind of fast. I think it's because the Big X went on for hours every time, and while that sounds all well and good, it gets quite tiring.
He wanted to stay the night, but alas, I hate guys staying over. Goes along with the whole fear of commitment thingie; I feel smothered if they are in my bed after I'm done with them. Plus, Mike was coming over. So Mike came, and the Trucker was still there so they met and off went the Trucker.
The next two days contained a lot of us talking on the phone...until this one conversation. I'm going to have to write this all out in play-acting script, to do it justice...so we'll say T=Trucker; M=Me.
T: Do you like anal sex?
M (thinks to self: This is quite a question after just one day...)
T: So I have this friend....
M (thinks to self: This friend, huh?)
T: He likes to fuck girls in the ass and while he's at it, he likes to piss in their asses.
(I kid you not, Audience. I wish I did, but I do not kid you.)
M: (Stunned silence.)
T: I would never do that to you, of course.....
M: DAMN STRAIGHT!
T: That friend of mine and me...we went looking for a hooker once who would let us piss in their asses, but we couldn't find one.
M: I have to go....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end. Well, not quite...he had the nerve to ask me the next day why I stopped talking to him. Now, I mean, I've heard of water sports. I'm also not the most prudish girl you've ever met (in case you haven't figured that out just yet). But to tell me after just one date that you want to piss in my ass and you like to go look for whores? A bit much for me.
And so the legend of the Whore Looker was born, and all my friends got a giant laugh out of how crazy that Tina's dating life is, and that Tina decided to take a break from dating for a bit....
You know how people say to you after a particularly horrifying incident in your life, "One day you'll look back on this and laugh"? (They are always saying this as they laugh at you and you are most noticeably not laughing, I've noticed...) Well, as painful as it may be at the moment, I've come to realize that in fact, they are usually right. And looking back at this incident over a month later, I can say that this was exactly one of those times.
He was cute, the right age, and his job description said government contractor. I figured government contractor meant he was stable. Silly me. But I foreshadow... we had pretty good conversation IMing, which is my favorite means of getting to know someone pre-date. Turns out he was a trucker whose company sometimes contracted to the U.S. Post Office, but more often contracted to, say, a microbrewery. Still, I tried to keep an open mind.
A trucker. I might date a trucker. Truckers make decent money. They connect the commerce centers of America. A lot of them have wives and children to whom they are faithful and loving. He's a trucker so he mostly can't IM and so I tried to overcome my phone phobia for him. We talked quite a bit for 2 days straight, and had our first date at the end of that second day. We went to the Wood N Tap down the road from my place, and dinner was good. We had good conversation and there was a definite physical attraction. There was a lot of eye contact and flirting, touching each other's hands, etc.
Outside the restaurant we made out against the car. I was expecting Mike to come by later that night; he had been having trouble with his latest girlfriend and needed to talk, so I figured it would be fairly safe to let the Trucker come back to my place since there was less than an hour before Mike would arrive. Wrong...I can get into trouble in less than an hour. We totally did it. Three times. (Not that that meant a lot since the total length of the three times added up to about ten minutes.) Still, I don't mind all that much when a guy finishes kind of fast. I think it's because the Big X went on for hours every time, and while that sounds all well and good, it gets quite tiring.
He wanted to stay the night, but alas, I hate guys staying over. Goes along with the whole fear of commitment thingie; I feel smothered if they are in my bed after I'm done with them. Plus, Mike was coming over. So Mike came, and the Trucker was still there so they met and off went the Trucker.
The next two days contained a lot of us talking on the phone...until this one conversation. I'm going to have to write this all out in play-acting script, to do it justice...so we'll say T=Trucker; M=Me.
T: Do you like anal sex?
M (thinks to self: This is quite a question after just one day...)
T: So I have this friend....
M (thinks to self: This friend, huh?)
T: He likes to fuck girls in the ass and while he's at it, he likes to piss in their asses.
(I kid you not, Audience. I wish I did, but I do not kid you.)
M: (Stunned silence.)
T: I would never do that to you, of course.....
M: DAMN STRAIGHT!
T: That friend of mine and me...we went looking for a hooker once who would let us piss in their asses, but we couldn't find one.
M: I have to go....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end. Well, not quite...he had the nerve to ask me the next day why I stopped talking to him. Now, I mean, I've heard of water sports. I'm also not the most prudish girl you've ever met (in case you haven't figured that out just yet). But to tell me after just one date that you want to piss in my ass and you like to go look for whores? A bit much for me.
And so the legend of the Whore Looker was born, and all my friends got a giant laugh out of how crazy that Tina's dating life is, and that Tina decided to take a break from dating for a bit....
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