Better Off Dead

So I'm realizing that when at the start of my last post I said "2 good things" that you all might not have realized that I meant it as in 2 good things to write about, not 2 good things about my life. Because neither are good. Clearly, the root canal was not good.

The other good thing to write about that is not in reality good? The reason I'm going to hell? I know someone that I think would be better off dead. I'm not exaggerating; I'm not being melodramatic. This man spreads hatred like a virus through everyone he knows. He would be better off dead and the rest of the world would be better off if he were dead.

Mostly, the rest of the world is my concern. He has partially ruined my life (no, it's not the Big X; even though I still give him caps, he didn't have the power to ruin my life). He has ruined completely one other person's life, and has partially ruined at least three other people's lives besides my own.

How do you completely ruin someone's life? You must be a black hole for all good and rational thought. You must radiate messiness, fight, darkness. You must suck someone into the complete and utter ruin you have made of your very own life and act like quicksand, or like tar, and force them to stay there, to become so entrenched in your own evil life that they give up any good part of their soul and ultimately decide to become just like you. Yes, this person whose life was ruined by him had some level of choice in the matter. It can't be entirely contributed to him that this other person's life was ruined; eventually they stopped fighting their way out of the black hole.

The others? The ones like me? Who have been partially ruined? We fight and sometimes break free of the horrid mess; I did. But then I looked back and saw these others who maybe didn't have the fight in them to get away, these others who still have a chance at breaking free, of not having a completely ruined life. I want to help them. They each are not breaking free for their own reasons.

Person #1: Is too young to be able to break free. Cannot even admit how horrible this man is just yet. May, by the time this person is ready to see it, be too late. May have their life already ruined beyond repair.

Person #2: Loves him too much. Why? I don't fucking know, that's for sure. But can't bring themself to shut the door on him, and as long as it's open, he will creep in like carbon monoxide in the night while you sleep and smother the life out of you.

Person #3: Recognizes him for what he is; hates him so much for it that the hate continues to ruin their life. Won't let go, won't shut that door, because the hate is too much. This person does not understand how, after all that I've been put through, I have let go of the hate. (I was put through worse, through the most of anyone who knows him.) The door can't be closed until the hate is let go.

Because I love these three people very much and want to save them, I have opened the door again and am forced to deal with him. But even if we all make it out alive, we will be permanently damaged. If we wore our emotional damage like physical, #2 and #3 would have repulsive gashes swerving across their faces. #1? The damage is not complete yet. #1 would still be oozing puss and blood.

Me? I have a scar. It's big. I am able to hide it well though.

There is no one he touches that makes it away without at least a bruise. He should die. This is evil of me to think, I know. I should probably go to hell.

But everyone would be better off if he would just die.