Yesterday I left class early because I didn't feel well. This morning, I woke up intending to go to school and work on a large group project all day long. It involves advanced statistics and things that are named Bonferoni and Nagelkerke, after evil statisticians who now torture stat students everywhere. I wasn't looking forward to the day, but I was looking forward to being that much farther along on the project.
I was feeling pretty crappy during my shower, but when I knew I had to stay home was when I took the cap off my deodorant, got lost in thought for a minute, then applied the deodorant to my right cheek. (I had begun thinking about face lotion, so that's what I did. What can I say?) I have been doing work from home as much as possible today, but seeing as how I took Dramamine for my stomach (per advice from Whitney) and benadryl for my allergies, I spent the majority of time either staring blissfully into space or in a drugged sleep chased by strange dreams in which I and my entire family had moved to Florida and I was trapped in a bar after hours with the Big X and my brother and his wife (my 3 least favorite people). So in my dream I began to drink heavily. You know being in a bar and all. Then the cops raided the bar (how they got in when we could not get out, I do not know) and we were all arrested for drinking in a bar after closing time.
I was supposed to go with my classmates to Mohegan Sun, one of the local casinos, tonight. I had bought my ticket already and everything, but I really am too sick to go. I have been doing ok with drinking water and sipping on broth all day, so as a treat since I couldn't go to the casino, I decided to order a small pizza from my favorite local pizzeria, Luna. Thin crust, fresh mozz, fresh everything. However, once it arrived, just the smell of it made my stomach lurch again. What a waste.
Just now, one of my friends called me from the casino to ask for another friend at the casino's phone number. I feel so left out and dejected. Here I am, watching Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Predator" series, where they lure pedophiles online. This one guy brought rope to tie the imagined 14 year old girl up with, and it was in a bag from Target. How benign to imagine being in Target in line behind some guy buying rope. Who would imagine it was to commit a sex act on a minor? As interesting as these thoughts are, I still wish I was at Mohegan Sun instead.
*Sniff.
The other thing is when I get really sick, I cry over everything like a pregnant woman or something. I am crying because of that phone call from my friend now. I wish my benadryl would kick back in so I could float away on my fluffy little drug cloud again.
*Sniff.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Easter Eve: Karma is a boomerang
Karma is a boomerang, and sometimes it hits you faster than others. I nearly always pick up my dog's poop. Nearly always. Exceptions are if I happen to be out of poop bags. I bring Goober with me to a lot of places, so she is out a lot. She usually goes a certain amount of times a day, so sometimes she surprises me and I am unprepared.
I was unprepared yesterday. She went on my front lawn and again on the little divider of grass between the sidewalk and the road. I was on my way out and figured I would pick up after her that evening. Well, I stopped at home again to pick some stuff up a bit later and parked on the road. Ran into the house, ran out, got in the car and drove to school.
As I was driving to school, I noticed the smell. I had managed to step exactly in the spot where Goober had left her mess and I had not picked it up. Boomerang. Smack in the forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a new bill in the Connecticut legislature right now that proposes expanding the bottle bill. The bottle bill is the one that put 5 and 10 cent (where is the cent sign on my keyboard? I want to bring back the cent sign! I love the cent sign!) deposits on soda and beer in many states. Now they would like to amend it to include water bottles, since that is probably one of the most-consumed beverages nowadays. I know it takes up the most space in my recycle bin every week. I believe they also want to increase the deposit amount by 5 c w/a slash through it.
The grocery stores have lobbyists fighting this, saying something about following the dime from manufacturer to grocery store to consumer which I think is meant to make you feel that the grocery stores get the shaft in all this. Some people say that barely anyone bothers to bring their bottles and cans back anyway, and another 5 c w/a slash through it incentive won't matter. Others think this is a good way to encourage recycling.
I am all for the amended bottle bill because: 1. I do not care about the grocery stores, who I see as The Man and I have over time developed a deep resentment for The Man. 2. I heart the environment. 3. It means that more bottles will say 5 c w/a slash through it, which helps my campaign for bringing back the cent sign.
But most importantly, and in all seriousness, this helps the homeless. I don't think most people in Connecticut see this aspect since they live in suburbs where they hide their homeless better than here in Hartford. Or else they are just not as cool and empathetic as I. But every trash/recycle day I see the homeless descend into the West End and pick through the trash and recycle bins.
There is one guy in particular who I like a lot. They all pull out anything worth a deposit, but this guy additionally goes through and pulls out anything not worth a deposit but still recyclable that is in a trash bin and deposits into the recycle bin. He is also the early bird so he gets most of the 5 and 10 c w/a slash through it deposit-worthy stuff. The later comers only get whatever someone happened to put out after he has gone by. So here is a man that is enterprising, ambitious, and yet still cares enough about the environment to separate recyclables that he doesn't make a dime off.
This is a man I want to help support. In fact, I have stopped bringing back any recyclables with deposits and leave them all for him. Therefore I support the bottle bill amendment because I want to help the homeless. Take that, grocery stores AKA The Man! Karma is a boomerang, and it's gonna get you guys in the end if you're not nice.
I was unprepared yesterday. She went on my front lawn and again on the little divider of grass between the sidewalk and the road. I was on my way out and figured I would pick up after her that evening. Well, I stopped at home again to pick some stuff up a bit later and parked on the road. Ran into the house, ran out, got in the car and drove to school.
As I was driving to school, I noticed the smell. I had managed to step exactly in the spot where Goober had left her mess and I had not picked it up. Boomerang. Smack in the forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a new bill in the Connecticut legislature right now that proposes expanding the bottle bill. The bottle bill is the one that put 5 and 10 cent (where is the cent sign on my keyboard? I want to bring back the cent sign! I love the cent sign!) deposits on soda and beer in many states. Now they would like to amend it to include water bottles, since that is probably one of the most-consumed beverages nowadays. I know it takes up the most space in my recycle bin every week. I believe they also want to increase the deposit amount by 5 c w/a slash through it.
The grocery stores have lobbyists fighting this, saying something about following the dime from manufacturer to grocery store to consumer which I think is meant to make you feel that the grocery stores get the shaft in all this. Some people say that barely anyone bothers to bring their bottles and cans back anyway, and another 5 c w/a slash through it incentive won't matter. Others think this is a good way to encourage recycling.
I am all for the amended bottle bill because: 1. I do not care about the grocery stores, who I see as The Man and I have over time developed a deep resentment for The Man. 2. I heart the environment. 3. It means that more bottles will say 5 c w/a slash through it, which helps my campaign for bringing back the cent sign.
But most importantly, and in all seriousness, this helps the homeless. I don't think most people in Connecticut see this aspect since they live in suburbs where they hide their homeless better than here in Hartford. Or else they are just not as cool and empathetic as I. But every trash/recycle day I see the homeless descend into the West End and pick through the trash and recycle bins.
There is one guy in particular who I like a lot. They all pull out anything worth a deposit, but this guy additionally goes through and pulls out anything not worth a deposit but still recyclable that is in a trash bin and deposits into the recycle bin. He is also the early bird so he gets most of the 5 and 10 c w/a slash through it deposit-worthy stuff. The later comers only get whatever someone happened to put out after he has gone by. So here is a man that is enterprising, ambitious, and yet still cares enough about the environment to separate recyclables that he doesn't make a dime off.
This is a man I want to help support. In fact, I have stopped bringing back any recyclables with deposits and leave them all for him. Therefore I support the bottle bill amendment because I want to help the homeless. Take that, grocery stores AKA The Man! Karma is a boomerang, and it's gonna get you guys in the end if you're not nice.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Misc.
There are only two ways to be bad, as far as I'm concerned: You can do some bad things and never tell anyone, or you can be totally evil and wear it as a badge of honor like a classic comic villain. Anything in between and you get screwed over. Of course, there are those who would say that if you're bad, you deserve to get screwed over. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was talking with my friend Mike (not MY Mike--I've given up on him, I think--but another friend Mike). I'm having a game night at my apartment on Friday the 13th. Mike said we should use a Ouija board. I said that I was not crazy about the idea, seeing as how my apartment is in a very old house and perhaps there would be real ghosts. He said, "Don't worry. I know the rules. I saw Witchboard."
You know what? I miss being with people who were old enough to watch Witchboard when it came out. There's something to be said for spending time with people from your own generation, people who have shared experiences with you because you came of age in the same era. Then there are the people who I normally hang out with (and date and sleep with) who say things like, "Remember being in 6th grade listening to Nirvana?" And I say, "No. I remember being a senior in high school listening to Nirvana. I remember being in 6th grade and listening to Madonna sing Material Girl ON A RECORD PLAYER."
I'm old, man. I need to hang out with more old people. And FYI I do not still listen to Madonna.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was talking with my friend Mike (not MY Mike--I've given up on him, I think--but another friend Mike). I'm having a game night at my apartment on Friday the 13th. Mike said we should use a Ouija board. I said that I was not crazy about the idea, seeing as how my apartment is in a very old house and perhaps there would be real ghosts. He said, "Don't worry. I know the rules. I saw Witchboard."
You know what? I miss being with people who were old enough to watch Witchboard when it came out. There's something to be said for spending time with people from your own generation, people who have shared experiences with you because you came of age in the same era. Then there are the people who I normally hang out with (and date and sleep with) who say things like, "Remember being in 6th grade listening to Nirvana?" And I say, "No. I remember being a senior in high school listening to Nirvana. I remember being in 6th grade and listening to Madonna sing Material Girl ON A RECORD PLAYER."
I'm old, man. I need to hang out with more old people. And FYI I do not still listen to Madonna.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Old Lovers
The Big X was a selfish lover. I of course didn't quite realize this at the time, having only ever been with him, but in the years since, I've come to realize what it is to be with a man who is a generous lover.
I'm thinking of old lovers right now because I've recently heard from two of them, and of course am planning on attending my cousin's wedding where the Big X will be the best man. On the wedding front, I have lost 5 pounds--not nearly enough, but a start--and have extracted a promise from a good (cute) friend to be my date should I not have met my fabulous new love by then. And he understands that being my date will require a pretense that we are madly in love and can't keep our hands off each other (at least whenever the Big X is around). So I'm feeling more at peace with that impending date with destiny.
The old lovers--first is my most recent one, actually. P. emailed me. He wanted me to know that he's met someone new, someone at work, and even though he knows that relationships in the workplace don't generally work out, this one is different. And they are saving up to purchase a condo together. So, let's sum up: P. met and began dating a girl at work approximately 4 weeks ago and now they are planning on purchasing real estate together.
Boy was I on the mark when I ran away because he was moving too fast.
The other old lover is my former Friend With Benefits (FWB), to whom I haven't spoken since last June. We didn't leave things poorly; we just left them. I got caught up in the campaign and then just never bothered to contact him again (but neither did he contact me).
He was recently dumped via text message. He admits that this is quite funny, and isn't too upset by it since he was thinking of ending things with her as well. He says he's been thinking of me a lot lately. He says I'm the best he's ever had. (This is such a line. I can't even be flattered by it, it's such a blatant line.) He hopes I don't think poorly of him (I'm assuming this is because he hasn't contacted me in so long) and wants to know if I'm interested in getting together sometime.
I don't know if I am interested in getting together sometime. We had a really good arrangement, when we had it. We were strictly in it for the physical aspect, though we were also friends of a sort, but neither of us was looking for a relationship. We were exclusive sexually during that time, but were free to date. The only two rules were that if either of us was intimate with someone else during that time, we would let the other know (for safety reasons only), and that neither of us would get emotionally involved with the other. I stressed this last rule every time we saw each other. I was dead serious about not wanting a relationship.
I'm pretty sure based on the tone of his email that he is looking to pick up the FWB situation, and I can tell that whether he was about to end things with this girl or not, he's on the rebound. Which makes things messy no matter what. Should I choose to accept the FWB situation again, I fear that because he is on the rebound, he may be looking for more from me.
On the other hand, I'm not clear on what the hell I'm even looking for at the moment. I rejected P. because he wanted a Relationship and he wanted it fast. I do clearly have commitment issues, but I think there is now a part of me that wants to try again. Otherwise, why would I have been interested in starting to date again to begin with? Not knowing my own intentions further complicates things with an FWB situation, because the only way that such an arrangement will work with no hurt feelings is that both people really mean it when they say they want only sex and they follow the rules.
Or, I suppose, it could work if both people really don't mean it when they say they want only sex, and they end up falling madly in love and get married and blah blah blah. But I think you can tell from my blahs that I don't really think this second possibility is very likely. More likely is something somewhere in between, where one person is more vested in things and ends up getting hurt.
I don't think poorly of him. I never expected anything from him, so losing contact wasn't a big deal to me. As far as I'm concerned, neither of us ever owed the other any explanations. I was clear that last time we saw each other in June that the earliest he would hear from me was August 9 (the day after the Primary election), and when we won that, I figured it was understood that I would be busy until November. I'm not sure what to read into the fact that he thinks I may be upset with him for not contacting me. Did he think he was blowing me off? If so, does that mean that all along he thought there was something more than I thought there was? I don't even know.
So if I begin things with FWB again, I must be prepared for the possibilities and know whether I'm prepared to hurt him or be hurt by him.
Or I can say to hell with it. There are no other prospects on the horizon right now and the sex was good (the best I've ever had? Don't know about that). I'm nearly certain that in the short term I won't be the one who would end up hurt. The best I can do is be honest with him, I suppose.
After all, FWB is a generous lover. And a generous lover is a good thing to have.
I'm thinking of old lovers right now because I've recently heard from two of them, and of course am planning on attending my cousin's wedding where the Big X will be the best man. On the wedding front, I have lost 5 pounds--not nearly enough, but a start--and have extracted a promise from a good (cute) friend to be my date should I not have met my fabulous new love by then. And he understands that being my date will require a pretense that we are madly in love and can't keep our hands off each other (at least whenever the Big X is around). So I'm feeling more at peace with that impending date with destiny.
The old lovers--first is my most recent one, actually. P. emailed me. He wanted me to know that he's met someone new, someone at work, and even though he knows that relationships in the workplace don't generally work out, this one is different. And they are saving up to purchase a condo together. So, let's sum up: P. met and began dating a girl at work approximately 4 weeks ago and now they are planning on purchasing real estate together.
Boy was I on the mark when I ran away because he was moving too fast.
The other old lover is my former Friend With Benefits (FWB), to whom I haven't spoken since last June. We didn't leave things poorly; we just left them. I got caught up in the campaign and then just never bothered to contact him again (but neither did he contact me).
He was recently dumped via text message. He admits that this is quite funny, and isn't too upset by it since he was thinking of ending things with her as well. He says he's been thinking of me a lot lately. He says I'm the best he's ever had. (This is such a line. I can't even be flattered by it, it's such a blatant line.) He hopes I don't think poorly of him (I'm assuming this is because he hasn't contacted me in so long) and wants to know if I'm interested in getting together sometime.
I don't know if I am interested in getting together sometime. We had a really good arrangement, when we had it. We were strictly in it for the physical aspect, though we were also friends of a sort, but neither of us was looking for a relationship. We were exclusive sexually during that time, but were free to date. The only two rules were that if either of us was intimate with someone else during that time, we would let the other know (for safety reasons only), and that neither of us would get emotionally involved with the other. I stressed this last rule every time we saw each other. I was dead serious about not wanting a relationship.
I'm pretty sure based on the tone of his email that he is looking to pick up the FWB situation, and I can tell that whether he was about to end things with this girl or not, he's on the rebound. Which makes things messy no matter what. Should I choose to accept the FWB situation again, I fear that because he is on the rebound, he may be looking for more from me.
On the other hand, I'm not clear on what the hell I'm even looking for at the moment. I rejected P. because he wanted a Relationship and he wanted it fast. I do clearly have commitment issues, but I think there is now a part of me that wants to try again. Otherwise, why would I have been interested in starting to date again to begin with? Not knowing my own intentions further complicates things with an FWB situation, because the only way that such an arrangement will work with no hurt feelings is that both people really mean it when they say they want only sex and they follow the rules.
Or, I suppose, it could work if both people really don't mean it when they say they want only sex, and they end up falling madly in love and get married and blah blah blah. But I think you can tell from my blahs that I don't really think this second possibility is very likely. More likely is something somewhere in between, where one person is more vested in things and ends up getting hurt.
I don't think poorly of him. I never expected anything from him, so losing contact wasn't a big deal to me. As far as I'm concerned, neither of us ever owed the other any explanations. I was clear that last time we saw each other in June that the earliest he would hear from me was August 9 (the day after the Primary election), and when we won that, I figured it was understood that I would be busy until November. I'm not sure what to read into the fact that he thinks I may be upset with him for not contacting me. Did he think he was blowing me off? If so, does that mean that all along he thought there was something more than I thought there was? I don't even know.
So if I begin things with FWB again, I must be prepared for the possibilities and know whether I'm prepared to hurt him or be hurt by him.
Or I can say to hell with it. There are no other prospects on the horizon right now and the sex was good (the best I've ever had? Don't know about that). I'm nearly certain that in the short term I won't be the one who would end up hurt. The best I can do is be honest with him, I suppose.
After all, FWB is a generous lover. And a generous lover is a good thing to have.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Making Snow Doggies: Why I Was Late Today
I was fifteen minutes late to work today, and here's why. I went out the back door to get to my car. I had allowed Goober to come for the ride today since it's in the 30's and she's perfectly comfortable anytime the temperature is above 20, due to her heavy double coat. Also, she would rather come wait in the car for a few hours than wait at home for a few hours. I think she can somehow sense that she is much closer to me in the car.
So while I was putting my bags in the car, Goober ran over to the snow in the backyard. There is now about 6 inches of fairly fluffy snow, the first time we have had so much fluffy snow all winter. The Valentine's Day storm, the only other significant storm this season, was about the same as far as accumulation, but was heavy, packed snow covered in ice.
Why is the fluffiness so important? Because Goober absolutely loves the fluffy snow. This nearly-11-year-old elderly dog, who barely gets up the energy to fetch her toys more than once or twice, will tear around in the snow for a minute before shoving her snout deep into it, then flipping onto her back and wriggling her whole body side-to-side, much in the manner of a little kid making snow angels. I call it making snow doggies.
Well, she was at it this morning, playing in the first good snowfall of the season. She'd get up from one successful snow doggie, run a few feet, snout around a bit, then roll over to make another. I just couldn't bring myself to stop her fun, and it was such fun to watch her play as well. So I let her continue playing until she had worn herself out.
And so I was late to work.
So while I was putting my bags in the car, Goober ran over to the snow in the backyard. There is now about 6 inches of fairly fluffy snow, the first time we have had so much fluffy snow all winter. The Valentine's Day storm, the only other significant storm this season, was about the same as far as accumulation, but was heavy, packed snow covered in ice.
Why is the fluffiness so important? Because Goober absolutely loves the fluffy snow. This nearly-11-year-old elderly dog, who barely gets up the energy to fetch her toys more than once or twice, will tear around in the snow for a minute before shoving her snout deep into it, then flipping onto her back and wriggling her whole body side-to-side, much in the manner of a little kid making snow angels. I call it making snow doggies.
Well, she was at it this morning, playing in the first good snowfall of the season. She'd get up from one successful snow doggie, run a few feet, snout around a bit, then roll over to make another. I just couldn't bring myself to stop her fun, and it was such fun to watch her play as well. So I let her continue playing until she had worn herself out.
And so I was late to work.
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