tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-202370592011-11-14T13:52:28.735-05:00"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."Tinanoreply@blogger.comBlogger2261100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-89475945212601682842009-01-16T11:53:00.002-05:002009-01-16T12:38:48.798-05:00

I'm ending this blog. I think it's time to start fresh. There's a new one getting started. I'm not going to link to it here but if I visit your blog, I'll let you know how to find me. Or you can email me for the url if you like.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-29853174990446949282008-11-28T11:06:00.002-05:002008-11-28T11:13:06.409-05:00

Yeah. It's over. I don't think there's anything to do to change his mind, and that is probably healthier for me, anyway. For reasons I'll explain when I have the strength. He wants to know if he can keep the key for a few days.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-31875574816027662322008-11-28T08:49:00.004-05:002008-11-28T09:07:46.921-05:00

I fucked up. I didn't mean to but I guess that doesn't count for anything. I made one big fuck-up in the year I've spent with J. I told J about it on Wednesday night because he was finally honest with me about some of his biggest secrets. I thought we had finally made a bit of progress in our relationship and I was completely willing to try to work through the problems we had. I wasn't sure

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-16483753721312034882008-11-27T12:21:00.009-05:002008-11-27T16:27:00.592-05:00

I'm sure it's pretty clear that I had a rough night. I have yet to sleep a solid hour. I may have fucked up the turkey. I am very, very fragile. I just needed a walk to clear my head and prepare myself for the fakeness I must put on to deal with the Grandmonster. I just don't know if I have it in me today.So I smoked. I took the dogs for a walk and had a cigarette. Smoking is a huge sin in my

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-41521895568968327922008-11-27T05:06:00.005-05:002008-11-27T05:30:38.516-05:00

A moment of levity in a night full of trouble: I kid you not--someone from Wasilla, Alaska visited my blog three hours ago. This Wasillan was searching for hot toddie recipes and if you spell it wrong like I did in that posting, I pop up all the time. I'm sure it wasn't Sarah Palin, since this person visited on his or her Mac. And I am positive that Sarah Palin is a PC person.About the night full

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-50660526796540876032008-10-18T05:00:00.001-04:002008-10-18T05:01:44.229-04:00

The last time I was up at this hour crying over a man was, I think, the week after the Big X and I broke up. The whole week.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-81005985796134132902008-10-18T04:26:00.003-04:002008-10-18T04:40:17.013-04:00

It bothers me that J did not come home tonight. I know that it shouldn't; we've never made each other any real promises. And he's not come home in the past. And this isn't home to him anyway; he has his own place still, even if the cable and internet have both been shut off for months. And we've both gone on trips without the other, not coming home for days.But it does bother me.There has

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-25713171091137829092008-08-30T19:33:00.008-04:002008-08-30T20:30:58.375-04:00

This is a picture of the house that I helped burn down.Let me explain. One day earlier this summer, I stayed home from work, not feeling very well. I had to get to the post office, however, to mail my already-late rent. On my way to the car, I looked over the fence in the backyard and saw smoke coming from the backyard of the house behind mine. It smelled like burning wood, and there were no

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-74255240119935598422008-05-25T04:41:00.003-04:002008-05-25T05:08:35.207-04:00

I heart "Shortbus" and if you haven't seen it yet you should. I mean, the Mayor...James and Jamie...Caleb and Ceth-pronounced-Seth...the orgies...the pot and the masturbation...the photographs and the molestation...the blackout....the orgasms...but I digress...I need to go see my Uncle George and Mike in Florida again soon. They just wrote me an email:Now you didn't hear this from me....but

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-83930917139485305922008-05-23T11:22:00.002-04:002008-05-23T11:41:44.588-04:00

When I walk into the building every morning, I am greeted by security. They always say good morning and most of them know me so they add some other comment as well. There is one guy, however, who I dread seeing when I get here because he is one of those Morning People. I have never once seen him anything less than absolutely beaming at the prospect of starting a new day, and no matter how

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-47691116419298495252008-05-06T12:44:00.002-04:002008-05-06T12:53:23.109-04:00

I'm working on something. Something that I'm going to post here but it's taking me some deep thought. It was started by the conversation that the MF and I had last night--a sort of checking in on the status of us thing, making sure we are roughly on the same page. Actually, though, it was started long before then, but that gave me the motivation to try to put it down in writing.It's all about

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-18221763999730863862008-04-23T11:37:00.011-04:002008-04-23T12:00:46.885-04:00

(I'd apologize for the inappropriate nature of this post but then most of you have read this blog long enough to expect inappropriate . . .)This is how low I’ve sunk: I went to the ladies’ room a few minutes ago to remove my panties because they are old and uncomfortable, so now I am going commando (with a skirt on) all because I have been too lazy to do my laundry for two weeks. And on my way

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-40133462713400708112008-04-15T21:03:00.002-04:002008-04-15T21:06:59.142-04:00

why they are opposite . . . going to be an aunt again . . . the things that make him right . . . forgiving/forgetting . . . i'm sure i'm forgetting something . . . why so sensitive?

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-35234182342634224492008-04-04T13:28:00.001-04:002008-04-04T13:28:45.693-04:00

I like stories where the timing is completely different from all the other stories, where you’re never sure whether you’re near the end or just the start of another chapter of the story, not even when you pay attention to the timing of where the beginning and the end are. They break the rules, stretch the bounds of story-telling, not to the point of unbelievability—not to the point where they

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-74286977387151473042008-03-26T12:31:00.000-04:002008-03-26T12:32:51.129-04:00

Sometimes a lot of time lapses between posts on this blog because I’m very busy and sometimes it’s because I have something big on my mind but I’m not ready to put words to it. This time it’s the second reason, and there are two big things on my mind.I have avoided relationships for over three years. I have not wanted to get entangled with another person to that level mainly out of fear. When

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-52774003137103572572008-03-11T11:29:00.001-04:002008-03-11T11:32:23.566-04:00

One of the things about working at the State Capitol is that there are cameras everywhere. Between just the fact that it is a government building and the fact that we now live in a Homeland Security Rainbow Alert world, there is nothing you can do anywhere on the campus of the Capitol without being recorded. Now, I’m sure that most of the time the state cops who are monitoring those cameras are

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-51865611214392163492008-03-06T09:15:00.003-05:002008-03-06T10:02:43.525-05:00

I reread that last post again this morning, and I really wanted to delete it. But there is something in me that disagrees with ever deleting a completed post. All I can say is I'm glad I didn't say what was in my head. And I was drunk. Yes, this particular time, I was drunk. I had been out with a friend for dinner and had a martini and a Guinness. Those Guinnesses can do me in. And of

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-32353440467446089032008-03-05T22:01:00.002-05:002008-03-05T22:06:40.735-05:00

I said to him about my dog, "Because she loves you." He said, "That's why I give her chocolate."I thought of a hundred different variations of a response, all along the lines of, "So why did you give me chocolate for Valentine's Day?" before I realized what the response was to that question, why I kept asking it from his lips and responding in my voice, in my mind.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-47496122837834159322008-03-03T10:28:00.005-05:002008-03-03T15:42:12.064-05:00

The weekend was a very nice one. There was a snow storm Friday night into Saturday, and the MF and I just holed up in the apartment, played games, watched tv, and talked. And other stuff . . . I keep waiting for things to take a turn for the worse with the MF but every time I spend time with him, it just gets better and better. I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy toward the MF and not at all like

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-63065327668171911152008-02-29T09:35:00.000-05:002008-02-29T09:38:34.769-05:00

I was talking to Rose last night and I mentioned that on Wednesday night, I got barely any sleep. I believe this was due partly to the fact that my father announced his wishes for Mother’s Day: He wants his girls to all come to the house so we can all talk about our memories of our mother with him. This is not what I want to do on the first Mother’s Day after my mom has died. Frankly, I may

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-12900786255924744972008-02-21T16:38:00.003-05:002008-02-21T16:45:36.412-05:00

Ugh. I was just rereading that last post and it sounds almost gushy, like I'm way more into the MF than I really am at this point. All I meant to say was that for now he's what I want and I don't know if he's what I will want in the future, but that doesn't matter because I'm not thinking about the future right now, but that I do think that if we were to meet in the future, he would probably

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-9258558041470268632008-02-16T21:19:00.000-05:002008-02-16T21:23:58.268-05:00

I think the age of 28 is when some people make the switch from shots of vodka or mixed drinks to martinis. Now, not all switch. Some continue with the mixed drinks or switch from shots to swigs straight from the bottle. And even if they do make the switch, there are grades of martini drinker, ranging from the cosmo and appletini to the espresso martini and the pomegranate martini to the

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-44933215437854170852008-02-14T13:59:00.003-05:002008-02-14T14:20:17.233-05:00

So the laundry attendant was wrong. My purse was not stolen because it was on the machine behind me while I was moving around my loads. It was stolen from me in my own driveway, behind my own house, last night at 9:30 PM on my way home from working late. I was mugged but not hurt physically. I'm making all the phone calls to credit card companies, the bank, etc., but I'm just very shaken up

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-61093807388374826062008-02-12T01:45:00.000-05:002008-02-12T01:54:25.992-05:00

I recently surpassed 200 posts here...I have had several things on my mind the last few days besides the fact that I'm still sick and went home early today from work again because of it. Thank god I have tomorrow off.I was thinking of my parents' relationship, the relationship I had with the Big X, and the relationships I've had with men before and since. I talked recently with a former FWB and

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-3462264370989139042008-02-08T08:23:00.000-05:002008-02-08T08:28:25.634-05:00

I know I need to talk to the MF again; I've nearly figured out what it is I want to say, but I just can't make myself do it right now. I'm so sick today and I've been crying all morning like I do when I've got a fever or feel really, really awful, and it just feels so nice to have him taking care of me. I just want to relax right now and put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. At least

Tinanoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-7711395269766568622008-02-05T11:40:00.000-05:002008-02-05T11:41:21.135-05:00

So the good news is I no longer have any signs of my stuffy nose. The bad news is my hacking cough kept me up most of the night last night. I didn’t have my handy dandy cough syrup with vicodin that helps me sleep when I get that really bad cough because I didn’t stay at home last night, and the regular old cough syrup where I was staying just wasn’t cutting it, not even when I doubled the

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-80128259677954856732008-02-04T12:29:00.000-05:002008-02-04T12:30:07.182-05:00

I’m feeling mostly better, just a lingering cough now really. Yes, Jenn, a hot toddie would help tremendously I’m sure, but I’ll need to go buy the whiskey for it first. I was at a friend’s house to watch the Superbowl and am feeling more disappointed than usual that my team lost. It just felt like destiny that the Pats would win this year of all years and to have that not happen really kind

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1919585272290943532008-01-31T11:46:00.000-05:002008-01-31T12:00:18.407-05:00

I went home sick yesterday. But I had to return to work at 2:00 for a 30 minute mandatory meeting. So I did. With a scowl on my face, but I did. In the meeting was P, the guy I went out with a couple of times a year ago. I knew he was still working in the building, but this was the first time I had been in the same room with him, so I did what any mature person would do when they run into

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-77459989873995849342008-01-29T08:57:00.001-05:002008-01-29T10:14:47.673-05:00

(I got that title from DailyKos; I'm not clever enough to think of it myself.)Stacy called me last night around 9:30 and when I said hello, she said, "Are you listening to this bullshit??" I thought she was calling because something horrible had happened to her at work and she wanted to rant, so I told her to go ahead and tell me about it. Turns out she was listening to the State of the Union and

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-29287703800875371312008-01-28T13:36:00.000-05:002008-01-28T14:03:49.268-05:00

I had a nice weekend. Friday I went out with Rose, and I spent Saturday and Sunday with the MF. Mike and I made up too; I made him promise never to pull that crap again, and I think I'm also getting a free dinner out of the deal.Mike read one of my posts here about the MF and his response to me was that it's a good thing the MF doesn't read this thing, because if it was him, he'd be pretty mad

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-44032748234278779122008-01-25T15:40:00.000-05:002008-01-25T15:44:45.787-05:00

Mike got really, really drunk last night and texted me like 18 times. I was on the phone with him I think 3 times. I believe the last communication was around 2:30 AM. Meanwhile, I was in bed with the MF...and had work in the AM. I was not happy. . The MF was not happy.Details later.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-48905594327024780982008-01-21T11:41:00.001-05:002008-01-21T12:31:22.481-05:00

So oh boy was probably a bit of an exaggeration in hindsight; I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Two of my friends are in serious need of help all of a sudden, in a way in which I can't do much but encourage them to get it. They both are suddenly very much in the middle of some serious depression. They both have completely different lives but the reasons for their depression I

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-11041338056953128592008-01-21T10:51:00.001-05:002008-01-21T10:51:40.408-05:00

Just oh boy.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-10855214237824447912008-01-16T13:06:00.000-05:002008-01-16T14:21:26.756-05:00

The MF came home on Saturday and we spent time together then and Monday. He brought me a book and a very pretty necklace and earring set from India. The book, No Full Stops in India, is by a British journalist who lives in India, and it is a collection of essays that touch on different aspects of Indian society and culture. I started it last night, and it’s bringing back some things I had

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-88926616796248742412008-01-09T07:26:00.000-05:002008-01-09T07:37:22.087-05:00

I am no longer gainfully unemployed. Sadly, I had to end my long, self-imposed vacation from the working world. Today is my third day back to work full-time, and don't get me wrong--I am grateful for the job, as I was soon to be kicked out onto the street for not paying rent if I didn't find income soon--but I do miss my days of couch-laying, book-reading, Netflix-watching laziness.You know

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-87714565305330999002008-01-05T19:53:00.000-05:002008-01-05T20:39:37.213-05:00

When the Big X and I broke up, my dad was at a loss as to what to do, how to help me. He (like most fathers, I'm sure) was never comfortable with my love life. So he left me alone mostly. The trouble was, I was not just getting over a boyfriend; I was also just beginning to deal with the fact that we had been told that my mother was dying. My dad shared his grief with my sisters and tried to

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-58614535078944748882008-01-02T15:03:00.000-05:002008-01-02T16:04:31.719-05:00

I've got two things I want to write here about the new guy, to whom a couple of my friends have been referring as my Man Friend. First I want to talk about the idea of feelings--chemistry, love at first sight, etc., and second I want to talk about defining things. These are two completely different things in a relationship, though it would seem that one goes hand in hand with the other. For

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-84850951503520562932008-01-01T02:16:00.000-05:002008-01-01T02:24:29.129-05:00

I just finished reading a book I picked up to keep me busy during the holiday, gods in Alabama. It was much better than I expected, with actual themes and symbolism and foreshadowing involved. I was just looking for a little brain candy to keep me busy for a few days, but I lucked out. Anyway, one of the themes of the book was different ways of being dishonest. The protagonist (fancy word, huh?

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-56263743824624278042007-12-29T20:46:00.000-05:002007-12-29T21:19:21.717-05:00

There's a new guy. We had our first date on December 1st. I haven't written about him yet because I haven't been sure how to put it into words. I suck at feelings talk; I either over-analyze it or completely misread things, and besides, the whole feelings thing makes me completely uncomfortable. I can write about the guys I've dated here because they've all been complete stories, with a

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-44743691160052505182007-12-26T19:15:00.000-05:002007-12-26T19:39:27.304-05:00

I'm feeling much better now that my cough syrup with codeine has taken effect, but to give you an idea of how I was feeling earlier, here is my away message on AIM: You know those people who get so upset with their employer or some big corporation that they blame that office for ruining their lives? And they take a gun and go to that office and shoot lots of people? I totally get them right

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-79762764594458937312007-12-25T04:07:00.000-05:002007-12-25T04:21:15.874-05:00

3:15 AMWoke up to preheat turkey roaster. Wrapped Xmas stocking presents and stuffed stocking for niece; wrapped Santa gift and disguised writing on label. Ate 2 cookies, threw the rest out. Made tiny bit of cocoa in bottom of mug and left cookie crumb lip marks on rim of mug. Threw carrots for reindeer the hell out. Melted butter and basted Turkey #1. Set alarm for 5 to preheat oven for

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-15502920362286017752007-12-09T23:12:00.001-05:002007-12-09T23:12:44.219-05:00

Ah, the Urination Incident...You know how people say to you after a particularly horrifying incident in your life, "One day you'll look back on this and laugh"? (They are always saying this as they laugh at you and you are most noticeably not laughing, I've noticed...) Well, as painful as it may be at the moment, I've come to realize that in fact, they are usually right. And looking back at this

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1556189923122219922007-11-30T18:03:00.000-05:002007-11-30T22:18:42.464-05:00

So the third date with the Musician was on Friday (the day after the Republican date). We were going to dinner and a movie. He picked me up at my apartment and when I came down to meet him, he was wearing the hideous girl glasses again. I swallowed hard and thought, you can get over this. You can get over this! So off we went to dinner.Over dinner it became apparent that the great conversation we

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-60287047731111271512007-11-29T17:08:00.000-05:002007-11-29T17:29:38.086-05:00

Alas, I am not overseas with some stud right now, but here is the story of the Republican with whom I had my first date between the second and third dates with the Musician. Damn, I was hot that week...I had been talking with the Republican for a week or so before my second Musician date, which was on a Tuesday. I had my Republican date on a Thursday. Alas, I knew it was a love that would not

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-31203087882734305742007-11-15T18:41:00.000-05:002007-11-15T18:44:46.057-05:00

The Musician...So when last we left off, I had decided--despite the lack of physical attraction--to give the Musician one more chance. Three weeks passed, with us talking online most days, and the talking online was going well, so I was optimistic for the second date. He was coming to my place for pizza and a movie.He showed up with 2 bottles of wine and a bouquet. He was not wearing his hideous

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-61906504574293927192007-11-14T23:06:00.000-05:002007-11-14T23:27:30.392-05:00

I've spent the last week on a road trip to Florida to visit my uncle and leave some of my mom's ashes with him. I drove by myself and met my sisters at the airport down there, because I love me my road trippin.Today I drove 120 miles of the Blue Ridge Parkway on my way through Virginia. Partway through the drive, I really, really needed to use the bathroom but there was none for miles around.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-78838864033889088882007-10-15T17:38:00.000-04:002007-10-15T17:51:52.612-04:00

The other day, I had begun to brown some ground turkey in preparation for my lunch of (fake) beef stroganoff, when I heard a cat meowing. My downstairs neighbors' cat sometimes comes up the back common stairs to visit, so I opened the door to see if she was out there, when out ran Andy the Giant CatDog. I don't allow my cats outside, so I ran downstairs and luckily the outside door had not been

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-88060975594127493472007-10-14T14:34:00.000-04:002007-10-14T14:52:46.001-04:00

When I was little, before we had a dishwasher, my mom would make my brother and I do the dishes. He would usually dry. She would yell at him for not drying the dishes completely, saying that mildew would form on them. To this day, in my own apartment, I won't put a dish away until I'm sure every drop of water is off it, and even if there is just a moist streak left on a plate, and the dish

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-66999263019550335412007-10-08T23:06:00.000-04:002007-10-09T00:12:23.484-04:00

I think I'm secretly more depressed about my mom's death than I am consciously admitting. I base this on the following facts:I am now living in squalor, allowing dishes to pile up and dirty laundry to spread throughout my apartment to the point where I fear I could be featured on one of my favorite BBC shows, How Clean is Your House?My personal hygiene has become alarmingly poor. I no longer

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-6865528020284512242007-10-06T14:55:00.000-04:002007-10-06T15:06:09.737-04:00

I hear--ha ha, quite the pun, as I can't hear right now, due to my ear infection--I hear that if your eardrum ruptures, while it is briefly quite painful, it will shortly thereafter relieve the pressure in your ear from an ear infection and begin to heal. So I am, as an American with no current health insurance, left with the question: To puncture, or not to puncture? (As I hold a sewing needle

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-5647493581821045512007-09-28T15:42:00.000-04:002007-09-28T16:36:15.722-04:00

Okay my friends, I know it's been awhile, and here's what I learned in that time: Don't tell people you know in real life about your blog because then you can't write about them!! But more on that later. Here's the conclusion of Crazy Andy:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~So he read the blog then came in and said he didn't care. We went out to porch (which is on the 2nd floor, mind you)

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-63878318250951254892007-08-13T15:47:00.000-04:002007-08-14T00:04:50.482-04:00

The one thing my family has always been good at was hiding our true emotions. I joke about it. "We're WASPs," I say. "We know how to keep it together."It's true that my dad and Stacy are very sensitive. They both cried a lot in the 2 1/2 years that my mom was sick. Kristy and I, and especially Mom, we all kept it together as much as we could. When on that fateful Wednesday a month ago they

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1421562454455060302007-08-10T01:41:00.000-04:002007-08-10T02:03:46.255-04:00

His name was Andy. Our first date was the night my mom was admitted to the ER. It was also two nights after I had returned from the UK. He was one of the sweetest men I had ever met. When I got the call about my mom and told him that I was going to need to leave a bit early, he could see how upset I was. He insisted on coming with me for the drive, and waited outside while I went in to see

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-31828121003268992692007-07-31T21:34:00.000-04:002007-07-31T21:35:02.757-04:00

The Big X was a drug dealer before I met him--nothing hardcore, just marijuana, but the fact is he used to be a drug dealer. He was also Italian and would occasionally start talking about his friend from high school whose family was in the mob, and how he could have gotten involved with them if he had wanted to.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last night and this morning, I finished

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-53866142928970800122007-07-21T15:58:00.000-04:002007-07-21T15:59:53.900-04:00

My Aunt Mary's mother-in-law sent a get well soon card to my mom since she had been in the hospital last week. Trouble is, it came in the mail yesterday afternoon. My mom died yesterday morning.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-86381143436963065252007-06-26T02:45:00.000-04:002007-06-26T03:41:11.160-04:00

I hid out for a week. Rachel came over twice; Rose came up. Kristy did what I needed her to do because I just couldn't do it. Then I was back. You've got to keep on keeping on. If I had a job, I wouldn't have allowed myself to take a week, I'm sure. I was doing better.Then the other day, Kristy brought me Goober's ashes. I don't know what to do with them. They came in a decorative tin,

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-34795325468891718502007-06-14T00:48:00.000-04:002007-06-14T01:22:09.743-04:00

Come on. You knew this was coming. If you have any sort of sense of foreboding, you knew.On Monday, I put Goober to sleep. I put Goober down. Those are very nice, acceptable ways of saying that I killed her. Yes, I know all the reasons it was ok. I know why I decided to do it when I did.The last time I went to the vet with her, she told me I would know when the time was right. What a

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-56743993488644368492007-06-10T23:00:00.000-04:002007-06-10T23:38:01.174-04:00

I took an impromptu road trip to Virginia last week. It was to get a new puppy. After much research, I decided I wanted an English Cocker Spaniel. In the US, American Cockers ar much more common, and that is what Goober is, and what my previous dog, Missy, was before her. The thing is, Americans are over-bred, and therefore have more genetic defects and tend to more illnesses.So I went with

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-26797631933341158062007-06-03T21:40:00.000-04:002007-06-03T23:42:57.254-04:00

Three people saw me naked this weekend--one man, and two women. And all three satisfied me.Okay, I tease. Only one satisfied me sexually. One gave me a sweet massage, and the other gave me a facial so relaxing that I nearly fell asleep.See, I was in New Hampshire this weekend. I went up there to do a visibility event for Chris Dodd at the Presidential debate, and decided to stay at Whit's

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-88569424018059488122007-05-27T20:14:00.000-04:002007-05-27T23:30:42.581-04:00

Today I had SpaghettiO's with sliced hot dogs. I'm trying to learn how to eat poor again, as I have the goal of remaining unemployed all summer. Hot dogs and canned food figure high in this, if I remember my youth well. I was surprised at how good SpaghettiO's still taste to me as an adult. Tomorrow: Hot dogs and beans. Maybe I'll also make potato salad. Potatoes are cheap.The other goal I

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-83561688036149964722007-05-25T03:47:00.000-04:002007-05-25T04:08:26.605-04:00

The dog:You brush your hair. You check your email. You play a computer game. You pour a drink. You pet the dog. A lot. You play the same wistful song over and over and over. And you wait. When it's finally time, you make sure she poops on the way to the car so that if you have to put her to sleep, she won't suffer the indignity of defecating in her last moment. You bring your own kleenex, in case

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-87787401019922146642007-05-07T02:50:00.000-04:002007-05-07T02:54:53.621-04:00

I've started another blog so that I can chronicle my traveling. I am leaving for New Orleans in a few hours to help build houses. Later this summer, I will be going on a trip with my sister to the U.K. and Ireland. I wanted a place where my family and friends could keep up with me, but did not necessarily want to use this blog because I don't particularly want the rents reading all about my

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-45433002599942784182007-04-20T20:31:00.000-04:002007-04-20T23:55:37.322-04:00

Yesterday I left class early because I didn't feel well. This morning, I woke up intending to go to school and work on a large group project all day long. It involves advanced statistics and things that are named Bonferoni and Nagelkerke, after evil statisticians who now torture stat students everywhere. I wasn't looking forward to the day, but I was looking forward to being that much farther

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-21479079676570091762007-04-05T16:41:00.000-04:002007-04-12T22:25:02.213-04:00

Karma is a boomerang, and sometimes it hits you faster than others. I nearly always pick up my dog's poop. Nearly always. Exceptions are if I happen to be out of poop bags. I bring Goober with me to a lot of places, so she is out a lot. She usually goes a certain amount of times a day, so sometimes she surprises me and I am unprepared.I was unprepared yesterday. She went on my front lawn

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-19996380376458200162007-03-26T19:47:00.000-04:002007-03-29T23:29:03.816-04:00

There are only two ways to be bad, as far as I'm concerned: You can do some bad things and never tell anyone, or you can be totally evil and wear it as a badge of honor like a classic comic villain. Anything in between and you get screwed over. Of course, there are those who would say that if you're bad, you deserve to get screwed over. . .~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I was

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1876282694774660172007-03-19T17:03:00.000-04:002007-03-19T17:47:00.052-04:00

The Big X was a selfish lover. I of course didn't quite realize this at the time, having only ever been with him, but in the years since, I've come to realize what it is to be with a man who is a generous lover.I'm thinking of old lovers right now because I've recently heard from two of them, and of course am planning on attending my cousin's wedding where the Big X will be the best man. On the

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-19242507120033446432007-02-27T14:55:00.000-05:002007-02-27T15:03:24.710-05:00

I was fifteen minutes late to work today, and here's why. I went out the back door to get to my car. I had allowed Goober to come for the ride today since it's in the 30's and she's perfectly comfortable anytime the temperature is above 20, due to her heavy double coat. Also, she would rather come wait in the car for a few hours than wait at home for a few hours. I think she can somehow sense

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-40090189072851202382007-02-23T20:37:00.000-05:002007-02-24T00:56:59.658-05:00

I wonder if I should wax my arms. Some women do. Once when I was a kid at summer camp, someone made fun of the amount of hair on my lower arms, but on the other hand, everyone I think to ask nowadays says they never noticed my arm hair, and that I'm the only one that thinks it's bad. Or maybe they just don't want to hurt my feelings.I was getting a mani-pedi today. I go to a place where they

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-59757830459571795832007-02-20T00:14:00.000-05:002007-02-20T00:56:22.853-05:00

I did not finish the story of Mike sooner because after he left, my dog knocked my beverage onto the computer, frying the keyboard. So now I may have to spend over a thousand dollars to buy a new computer. I am now using my crappy old Dell, which abruptly ends programs and also cannot be moved at all or the power cord will fall out and the battery no longer has the ability to charge.But Mike...

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-72142915050881841242007-02-11T19:58:00.000-05:002007-02-08T17:06:54.158-05:00

I love Office Space. I regret having given up custody of that movie to the Big X when we split. I was the one who paid for it. Sure, it was a gift to him, but still. My money. I should have just kept it.I think my dog lies to me. I think she scratches at the door when she doesn't really have to go out. She holds it for up to 12 hours sometimes, and then other times she decides she needs to

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-89825839414602684252007-02-05T23:24:00.000-05:002007-02-05T23:29:48.394-05:00

So P. wrote me back and I opened it. And it was good, not bad. He said all the right things because he is a nice guy. Really. He's just too damn clingy. He wants me to contact him when I'm ready to start a relationship. WTF. Don't you know a line when you are receiving it, bub?Of course, new drama unfolds on the theme of endings...my mother is staying over tonight and she informed me that

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-62956312461493483822007-01-31T19:04:00.000-05:002007-02-02T18:44:45.676-05:00

I've never been good at endings--the ending of an era, leaving a job (no matter how much I don't like it), ending relationships, ending friendships...all endings. After I graduated college, I took the first job I could find that offered insurance and paid decently. It was as the manager of a small retail store. I H A T E D retail. I hated customer service when I did it in my first job, which

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-9105995719082952582007-01-22T00:09:00.000-05:002007-01-25T14:23:11.892-05:00

So when we last left off, Tina had gotten too drunk due to cough syrup and wine combo and decided to play Questions with P...let's see where those two crazy kids ended up.I must admit that I do not remember all of the conversation but here are some highlights: I told him all the little things he had done so far that bothered me, like RSVPing for both of us to the Dodd rally when I had already

Tinanoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-7049533232778907382007-01-20T11:49:00.000-05:002007-01-22T00:04:37.405-05:00

Oh boy. Oh no. Okay, I've really dug myself in deep this time.It all began last night when I had my second date with this guy. Let us call him P. Our second date consisted of attending a Chris Dodd for President rally in Hartford, after which we were planning to have dinner "someplace quiet." He asked me to pick him up from work so we could drive to the rally together but I didn't want to do

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-2495183148058451402007-01-17T23:48:00.000-05:002007-01-18T00:03:11.925-05:00

Oops, I f'ed up the Goober link. Here it is.Isn't she great? She was the star of the campaign. She even inspired the first Lamont commercial with a barking dog, but she is too well-behaved to bark so she couldn't star in her own commercial. Alas, she is still loved by all.

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-43274746258901224842007-01-16T18:44:00.000-05:002007-01-17T23:46:10.312-05:00

Damn. I've got to remember to start saving the drafts of posts. I was nearly done with one about my birthday and now alas it is gone. And I am lazy so here is the short version: Woke up. Stayed in bed cuz it's my birthday. Finally got out of bed, legs were both asleep, did unnatural split. Yeow! Had a massage (first proffessional one I've had). Went to dinner with a friend, then drinks

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-18253909483748953702007-01-07T03:03:00.000-05:002007-01-07T03:22:38.920-05:00

As I find myself stricken once more with insomnia, here is the great dilemma that I am pondering: To throw away a not-completely-used-up kleenex or not to throw away a not-completely-used-up kleenex.I always used to throw kleenex away, even when I had only blown my nose once upon said kleenex, but over the years, I have become snifflier and snifflier. I am now, I suspect, a girl who is allergic

Tinanoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-35742997509857216942007-01-04T23:22:00.000-05:002007-01-04T23:24:23.176-05:00

Christmas Day11:09 AM—Let the Gluttony BeginVictoria woke me up at 7:30 this morning. Seeing as how I was the only one sleeping on the couch instead of in an actual bedroom, I was the easy target. Plus she knows that I’m good-natured and won’t grump at her. She had read her note from Santa Claus and seemed very excited that he had written back to her. All seems well on that front.We watched

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-81910054105486606142006-12-25T00:09:00.000-05:002008-01-05T21:44:20.178-05:00

Christmas Eve12:06 PM—It’s 5 O’clock SomewhereI’ve had my first sip of alcohol. I am driven to drink at such an early hour because Kristy and I are failures and Stacy is perfect. I feel like I’m reliving Christmases past. I feel like I am a kid again being scolded by both my parents.Despite the fact that I have been driving for fourteen years in this little section of Connecticut, on the way

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-25713947128432462142006-12-22T10:41:00.000-05:002006-12-22T18:24:33.742-05:00

In the suburbs in Connecticut, we have tag sales on Saturdays all year round unless it's absolutely frigid and there's a foot of snow on the ground. If you have junk to get rid of, you try to sell it first. Thrifty yankees and all that, you know. They say there are two seasons in Connecticut: Winter and construction season. That could be amended to winter and tag sale season very easily.But

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-19708020544388463982006-12-11T20:38:00.000-05:002006-12-11T21:19:42.834-05:00

So my broken elbow was doing better until I went to visit my mother the other day. My sister Kristy has a new dog, a spaniel mix she adopted from Puerto Rico. Katie is her name. Katie is young, maybe a year old. Having been a street dog, she doesn't have the whole concept of not peeing indoors down yet. She needs to be walked often until she is better trained, so when my mom was visiting my

Tinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-74509170267703721332006-12-07T11:04:00.000-05:002006-12-07T11:45:18.036-05:00

Away message: Crying. Sometimes it just needs to be done.Lyrics playing:It may sound absurd but don't be naiveEven heroes have the right to bleedI may be disturbed but won't you concedeEven heroes have the right to dreamIt's not easy to be meUp up and away from meIt's alrightYou can all sleep sound tonightI'm not crazy...or anything~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I know Superman is a silly

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-92072704741194184792006-11-10T23:52:00.000-05:002006-11-11T08:51:12.245-05:00

I remember Halloween when I was about 13 years old. My Aunt Bobbie, after whom I am named (middle name), was up from Florida. She was dying of brain cancer. She wore a kerchief on her bald head and smelled funny. This was not the Aunt Bobbie I remembered from visiting. That woman had hair; she wore glasses and was always laughing and making me laugh.She sat in the recliner in the living room

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1159847903843559052006-10-02T23:35:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:37.517-05:00

Goddamn I have been absentee lately. Not just from here but from my friends and family as well. Took on way too much this fall and now there's nothing for it but to push through each day until November 7th. But before I get too much into that, I'll finish up the San Antonio story...So when we last left off I had packed for the trip. But...did I tell you about how I was assaulted by air puffs

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1156570886022724042006-08-26T00:03:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:37.286-05:00

Rum and Coke is an old drink, very retro, but it certainly does the job. Little tip from a bartender: Carbonated beverages make you drunk faster. And you know that old Bill Cosby skit about different drinks making different kinds of drunks? I believe it's true. (And if you don't, shame on you. Don't you know a classic comedian when you see one?) So anyhow, tonight it was rum and Coke.I

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1156485285145277362006-08-25T01:53:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:36.931-05:00

I wish I could be more verbose about this but there's no other way to put it . . . everything turned out just fine! :)

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1155962220309674012006-08-19T00:01:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:36.369-05:00

Here's the thing about the lump (which, for some unnamed reason, I'd rather call a bump): I knew I had to keep it a secret. That's why it was so important to write about it here--because no one in my family could know but I needed to let it out somewhere.No one who had to personally deal with my mother could know. Until I couldn't tell them something, I didn't realize how much I'd come to

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1155780531246142642006-08-16T21:58:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:35.952-05:00

It's been a week since I had what had to be the best day of my life so far. I worked really hard all summer on something and it came to fruition. I never thought when I started this job that we'd actually pull off what we did. I wish I could share the details here but my job comes with a no blogging rule, so I really can't talk about it. Let's just say that I experienced a huge victory and

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1154753793400120762006-08-05T00:47:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:05.191-05:00

In high school there was a day in health class where all the girls were separated from all the guys, and they spoke to us about our Bodies. They explained the changes of puberty and the important things we'd have to do from now on for our health. One was, of course, doing monthly self-breast exams. There was a video to demonstrate. There were pictures on a flyer. There was a fake rubber

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1153453252449203222006-07-20T23:27:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:04.940-05:00

Mom had surgery today. It was up 2 hours early this morning so we could all take turns getting in the shower then rushing down to the hospital for 8 am check-in so we could wait. We waited for hours. They were behind. Mom fell asleep after awhile, having had the first drug injected. I fell asleep too, sitting up in an uncomfortable chair in the prep room.She went in eventually.I was sick,

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1153113063008072122006-07-17T00:23:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:04.536-05:00

Saturday night I went to a baseball game, first one I've ever gone to. Ever. I understand about 80% of the game, so I was able to enjoy what was going on but even more than the game itself I enjoyed ingesting: $4 Guiness (it was Irish Night); a pretzel; soft serve ice cream in a mini Rock Cats hat; $4 Guiness (with sprinkles from the ice cream cross-pollenating); peanuts; cotton candy; cheese

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1152591537125307212006-07-10T23:29:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:04.342-05:00

Saturday night...A coworker from Greenwich had a bbq and invited all the cool kids to go. (Tee hee, I'm a cool kid!) He's actually staying in his uncle's home while the uncle is away for the summer, so he's not necessarily used to living in this ultra-rich community.Greenwich, for you novices, used to be the richest community in the United States, recently outdone by Jackson Hole,

Tinanoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1152502032670052772006-07-09T23:10:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:04.030-05:00

There was a big work event the other day so we had an afterparty at a local bar. I imbibed. Rose, Brendan, Murphy, Liz, and I went out to the patio as most of the others headed home. I went inside to get another drink and noticed two more of my employees inside so I invited them outside with the rest of the group, then went to the bathroom.When I came back outside we were short chairs and

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1151989508956084892006-07-04T00:48:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:03.059-05:00

Kristy, the rightful baby of the family, moved out about 2 years ago. Last Fall, she moved back home amidst much personal turmoil.In the intervening time, we had (with Kristy's permission) given her old room to my niece, Vicky, who has stayed with us 5 nights a week over the last school year. During this whole time, Stacy's old room sat empty as a shrine to her, full of her cast-off paintings (

Tinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1151986326990482762006-07-03T23:55:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:02.614-05:00

My eyes are tired. My brain is tired. I need to be up early tomorrow morning but I just can't rest my mind yet.I grew up in a perpetual state of hurt, anger, and disbelief at the way my younger sister, Stacy, was treated and the way she acted. You expect there to be a baby in the family, but that baby is usually not the middle child. You expect that in multi child homes, the kids will always

Tinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1151289185352644812006-06-25T21:58:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:02.232-05:00

Most of the time--no. Sometimes--yes.I'm not Ms. Been Around a Million and One Times but I've been with enough men to have developed an answer to this question based on experience. There is a whole range of size and shape when it comes to men; almost all fall somewhere in the, say, 5 to 8 inch range with average . . . girth. So most of the time, size does not matter. Give or take a couple of

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1150939584929103662006-06-21T21:07:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:01.795-05:00

I'm a bottler. I bottle things up. I try to let most things roll off my back but the things that don't, I bottle up. Everything's cool with me. Want to yell and scream at me for something that I have nothing to do with? That's okay. No problem. I know you didn't mean it. The online payroll system crashes at work and I'm not going to be able to pay the whole damn campaign on time now? Oh

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1150602216949293832006-06-17T23:23:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:01.437-05:00

So I'm realizing that when at the start of my last post I said "2 good things" that you all might not have realized that I meant it as in 2 good things to write about, not 2 good things about my life. Because neither are good. Clearly, the root canal was not good.The other good thing to write about that is not in reality good? The reason I'm going to hell? I know someone that I think would

Tinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1150598944556989952006-06-15T22:09:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:01.114-05:00

I want to write about something else right now but I need to come back to it because there are 2 good things I want to tell you about right now. So I'll come back to why I'm going to hell.So I went to the dentist yesterday about my sore tooth. A little history about my life with the dentist: 1. I am part British--the part that is attached to my teeth. As a child I had multiple cavities and

Tinanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20237059.post-1150256559671923732006-06-13T23:04:00.000-04:002006-11-10T23:33:00.654-05:00

I called the dentist today. I'm going to see him tomorrow. He wanted to see me at 7:30 tonight but I just couldn't. I had to attend a work event.Highlight of the day: I got to meet Dr. Henry Lee, famed forensic scientist formerly of the O.J. trial, currently of the CourtTV show, "From the Files of Dr. Henry Lee.". No one seems as thrilled with that as I am. Don't know why. It was better

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